#life is just. so incredibly sad and confusing and empty these days

[mossbabie]

🚰

[inbabylontheywept]

"Yeah, sure, and I shit thermite. Be serious."

So. Maybe, he’d gone a little overboard after work that day. He’d admit that. Drinking the sad away wasn’t the most mature way to handle things, but when you got a letter from your dad saying-

Well saying that, you know, maybe it was okay to have a beer or two. In theory. In practice, that meant that two-beers-deep Earl had to somehow have enough willpower to say “naw, I don’t wanna become three-beers-deep Earl,” and then three-beers-deep Earl’s gotta say no to four-beers-deep Earl, and it’s just a bit of a shitshow from there.

Pardon the french.

At least he wasn’t on the clock. The worst thing that should’ve happened to him was waking up tomorrow with a fatass headache and upset friends. Instead, he was in the hospital, surrounded by men with guns, osmotically absorbing the most surreal conversation of his life.

“We’d heard that humans had remarkable healing abilities but this is incredible. Anyone else here would be dead, he’s just showing some signs of esophageal irritation.”

“We got any idea of the culprit?”

“We’re looking over security footage but the culprit must be some kind of ghost. We’ve gone over the security footage at least twenty times, nobody can spot a thing.”

Earl couldn’t help it. He spoke.

“What are you talking about?”

The detective and the doctor jumped at the sound of his voice.

“What the shit-

The doc’s hand went over the detective's mouth, cutting off the oath just a hair too late. The duo looked after each other, before the detective gestured for the doctor to go first.

“I… don’t have very much experience with humans. We thought it’d be a couple of days at least before you woke up. How are you feeling?”

Earl coughed a few times.

“Throat’s raw, head’s pounding, and would kill for anything fried in grease. Pretty standard hangover.”

The detective cut in at that.

“Eh, except for the part where someone poisoned you.”

Earl shrugged.

“Must not have been very good poison.”

The lawman didn't laugh.

“Hydrochloric acid mixed with potassium salts? You can bet your pink ass it’s a good poison. Anyone else here would be dying from a hole in their gut. You been making enemies on the station, colony-boy?”

Earl’s smart alec remark froze as his one semester of biology 101 clawed its way to the front of his brain.

“Oh.”

The detective clicked his pen, ready to start taking notes, even as Earl waved him off.

“No crime here doc, my stomach makes that stuff naturally.”

The doctor blinked even as the detective rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, and I shit thermite. Be serious pal, there’s someone here out to get you.”

Earl held his gaze, and after a few moments, the detective’s annoyed face transformed into numb confusion.

“...Hot damn, you aren’t joking. You’re telling me you can spew concentrated acid on a whim?”

The question hit a little close to him, and Earl felt his ears burn.

“Eh… not… on a whim. More like, after six or seven beers.”

The doctor grabbed a pad and began filling out forms of his own.

“Yeah, we’re gonna have to make sure you don’t do that then. You can’t just go around creating chemical waste every time you get sad. I’m going to have to get in contact with IT, set up some kind of cut off point with the cantina for you.”

Someone down the hall must’ve sanitized something because the odor of strong alcohol wafted into the room. It was all Earl could do to not empty his stomach a second time.

“Aye. That’s fair.”

[hurlingdown]

Hurly Bird~

My sweet darling, my pretty poet.

I want to fuck Kaido more than I want to breathe, his breath is my air, his sorrow is my song. He’s so attractive and pathetic, an emperor of the sea and yet so very very weak.

I want to be Yamatos step father - just some nobody from the flower capital that catches his eye one afternoon.. and suddenly he can’t stop thinking about you - he wants to use you, to run his fangs along your throat. He moans at the thought of you while drunk; he doesn’t even know your name as he fucks his fingers.

.. and then suddenly he feels hollow. Not hollow in the way his subpar life has left him, not in the way he’s been numbing with drink.. he feels physically hollow and suddenly warm. Some unknown side effect of his devil fruit, the life cycle of a dragon - the time when they find their one and their body starts readying itself for their mate.

And Kaido is all types of fucked up. Angry that his body is working against him, sad that he’ll never be able to fully pursue any relationship with you, excited that he has a one! Confused because.. the hollowness he feels is because his body is readying itself for eggs.

And one day, at his weakest (and subsequent drunkenness) he orders a boat from Onigashima back to Wano, and he hunts you down. Orochi is thoroughly confused, pathetically whining about him scaring his perfect geishas.

Kaido hunts you down, and with no life, no family he whisks you away, like a fairy prince, to Onigashima.

You obviously think you’re going to die, pulled around his castle, limp like a rag doll, and Kaido starts disbanding his entourage - so then you think you’re going to get horrifically tortured and then die.

But Kaido asks your name, gravelly and quiet, you give it, silently praying, and he asks you some really, awkwardly, small questions- like he’s trying to get to know you, walking really stiff and weird? His face and arms spattering with scales, like he’s losing control of himself.

And all too soon you’re in his chambers, a nest of giant pillows upon a Dias. He leads you up, now half transformed - tail swaying like a cats as he settles into it, watching you stand outside of it awkwardly and his body is so hot and his head is so fuzzy and he rolls onto his front, knees tucked and presenting his ass to you, tail up and swept to the side so you could see the wet spot staining his shorts.

You have no idea what’s going on.

But the smell is so intoxicating.. and he’s grunting and breathing so heavily that he’s basically begging you to bury yourself in him.. and you do, cautiously at first, just placing a hand on his upturned tail and watching him shudder and moan - he’s so imposing and larger than you, his tail inches taller than you (and you aren’t short by any means). You very cautiously remove his pants.. and he groans at the cold air on his sickened hole.

You press your tongue hesitantly against his opening and that’s when he begins to talk.

“Fuck please”

“Hngh.. so empty.”

“Wan’ yer babies..”

“Pathetic human.. fucking pathetic fruit.. makin’ me.”

“God more!”

He’s fluttering through emotions like a goddamn picture book, and with your face buried between his thighs you’re in a very precarious position. So you decide ‘I’m probably going to die if I do a bad job.’ So you do a fucking incredible job.

He’s yelling, he’s panting, he’s moaning like a whore. He can’t breath when your cock finally enters him, his womb contracting pleasantly when your cock head runs across his very (almost burning) hot walls.

And he cums so hard and he’s pushing back until you cum in him, he’s purring happily when he feels the hollow feeling disappear, full with your seed. He pulls you close, covered in sweat and thoroughly spent, your buried between his sweaty tits, his musk and pheromones cushioning your brain as he curls around you and sleeps - dreaming of a clutch with you, of Yamato finally accepting him as a father and having a happy family that could chase his depression away.

-🐉

Got very carried away, but it was either Kaido or Kin’emon and I just watched episode 1071 so Kaido was on my mind. Hoped you liked my horny breeding kink rambles, and I cannot wait for the final kinktober fic! And then I cannot wait for Smokers fic, you’ve got my brain whirring again about freeuse and Smokey.

HOOLY SHIT. 🐉 ANONNNNN. 🐉 ANON!!!

this is so insanely hot. kaido's dragon life cycle making him slowly lose control and rationality and hunting down and kidnapping the only one his instincts will recognise as his mate, innards morphing to fit a womb for your eggs, presenting the most vulnerable part of himself to you when he's finally got you in his clutches, a supposed stranger but then again you're not, and then you pressing him into the sheets and making love to him so good he starts having fantasies of staring a big, happy family with you while you spill into him, bloated and satisfied in a way he's never felt before, in a way he's never let himself be.

all of this is just so poetic and beautiful and insane and i'm beyond astounded. wow. absolute prose. the yamato bit got to me. :(

[seblaineworld]

Hey, Seblainers! Hellooooo, everyone else!

A big life update...

First of all, I'm truly sorry that this is the first time I've posted since Mum went into Hospital. In total since my last post, my Mum has actually spent the sum of 5 days when she was NOT in Hospital...

She sustained a wound when she fell out of bed, and because she is a Type 2 Diabetic it has been healing very slowly and has become infected several times, resulting in my normally sharp as a tack Mum, having temporary confusion and feeling disorientated, which has been so upsetting to witness.

She turned 84, 2 days after being discharged for the third time, and fell into a Diabetic Coma the very next night due to her blood sugar not being properly regulated, which was possibly the scariest night of my entire life, and was terrifying to witness, so the decision was made to take her off her previous oral Diabetic medication and put her on Insulin...That's been a huge learning curve for everyone concerned, and hard to adjust to on top of everything else...

You've all been truly wonderful with your heartfelt messages of support and Love, and I'm incredibly grateful for each and every one. Nobody has come back to me with a date for us to have 10 Days Of Seblaine 2024, and I genuinely thought that I was going to be in a position to host the event, and keep up with my commitments to Mum, but sadly, it's just no longer sustainable...

I've already had to have several of my staff take over many of my own classes so that I can spend as much time as possible with Mum, which has been hard for my students and even harder for me, but again, I'm truly grateful for all the support I'm being given. Until yesterday, I still thought I was going to be able to make time to host 10 Days Of Seblaine 2024 before the end of this year, but I now feel that is an impossible ask..

I'm conscious that I should ALSO be hosting Seblainiversary Weekend 2024 starting tomorrow, but I just can't do it, folks. I know I'm letting you all down so badly, and my heart is breaking having to make this post, but I really hope you can all understand my position. Ysterday, having literally taken the dishes through to wash them after giving her her lunch, I walked back into the living-room to find Mum having some kind of seizure, with a temperature of 41 Celsius, and obviously, I called an Ambulance and she has been readmitted.

Turns out the wound has now become Grade 4, and a secondary infection has set in. She's now on Antibiotics to clear it. I'm sad and upset and frustrated and have cried a great many tears, because of a few medical missteps that have taken place during the last few months, but I need to stay strong for my Mum.

Mum's feisty and a fighter, and all she wants is to feel well again, and as she puts it - to feel completely normal, but she's having such a difficult time, as am I.

Once again, I'm truly so, so sorry that I've completely let you all down. If someone has time to take over the Seblainer event hosting duties until I can take over the reins again, please message me. The last thing I wanted was for our tiny (but always fierce!) Seblainer Fandom to miss out on what's always a fun time, where our many talented Seblainers get their chance to shine. But I just don’t have anything left in me to host anything for the time-being, because I'm literally running on empty..

I love you all so much, and again, thank you for the many, many messages of Love, support, and encouragement that you've all sent me.

Ail 💜

[crackedpumpkin]

|| ᴄᴀᴜɢʜᴛ ʀᴇᴅ ʜᴀɴᴅᴇᴅ || ᴘᴛ. ꜱɪx ||

a/n: The cheese has been cleared for landing. Also, sorry for the late update y'all im so close to collapsing out of pure exhaustion :") Part seven left!!!

| previous |  next |  masterlist |

“Hello, everyone! Unfortunately, we’ll be closing early because of a shortage of supplies. You can come back tomorrow for the last day of the festival!” Margaret announces loudly, many of the surprised customers leaving with disgruntled looks. 

She shuts the door, grabbing your limp hand and making you sit on the kitchen chair. “Okay, what’s going on with you?” She asks with her arms crossed as she looks down at your sad figure. 

She has no idea why you’ve been so distant lately, one morning coming over to your store to see you and another stranger giggling with each other, a light blush on your cheeks as you banter with someone in a hooded cloak.

She’s about to enter, only to pause when she sees the smile on your lips that lights up the room. She grins, her gaze soft as she watches you, her older sister figure playfully shoving them away from your side.

Margaret walks away instead, not wanting to disturb your little moment with them.

But today, something’s different. 

Today you seem empty, as if life had been drawn out of you. She watches you rush out after telling you about the criminal that’s been caught, only wanting to pass the time with recent news.

You return with a complexion that’s paler than the new material her parents just brought in from a supplier, and that’s when she gets genuinely concerned. So once she chases everyone out of the store and bolts the door, she turns to your quiet figure, your eyes fixed on the ground.

“Okay, what’s going on?” She’s a little annoyed now with you being all mysterious and avoiding her lately. She’s had enough, and she wants answers. Now.

“Listen,” Margaret sighs, spotting the hesitance in your eyes, “I care about you, Y/n. You’re like an older sister to me; if something’s affecting you, you should tell me. I mean, aren’t we practically family?”

She sits down next to you, holding your hand. She feels small, maybe even unwanted. She wants to help you, so why won’t you let her?

But surprisingly, you part your lips and spill. She listens to every word, disbelief and astonishment building up in her eyes.

“You were housing a criminal??” 

Her words build up into a disbelieving yell, eyes wide in shock as she tries to process the news you’ve just spilled. What on earth have you been doing these past few days??

“And…he’s the one that’s been stealing my pastries.” You add with a sheepish grin, and she just about loses all feeling in her legs. 

“I have to…sit down.” 

You help her take a seat on the chair you were on moments ago, and her hands rest on her lap as her heart beats a million times a minute. She takes a minute, and you wait patiently.

“So,” She looks up at you, her eyes filled with both confusion and bafflement, “The wanted thief of the kingdom is actually a turtle yokai – which are incredibly rare, by the way, and he’s the one you’ve been trying to catch for five years. You’re saying that you finally caught him, made him work for you to pay you back, only to fall in love with him??”

“....Yeah.” You give her a helpless shrug.

She lets out a laugh filled with disbelief. “You’re crazy.” 

What should she do? Should she forget you even told her all this? Is she now an accomplice to your crimes?? 

She hesitates, looking at your timid figure and hunched shoulders, your eyes darting from her to the floor. You’re probably worried about her response, but she doesn’t have the heart to get angry at you.

Besides, she had seen for herself the way you looked at him.

She sighs, standing up. Your eyes widen slightly, waiting for her response. “Well?” She smiles wryly, “Let’s go save your thief.” 

She spots your shoulders sagging with relief, walking over and giving you a quick hug. She squeezes you slightly, holding you close. She feels the tears that spill onto your cheeks, wetting her dress slightly. She doesn’t comment on it, letting you hide your face in her neck.

After a while more, she pulls away, using her thumb to wipe off a tear that remains on your cheek. “C’mon, we should get there before the morning.” Her expression turns serious. 

“That’s when they’re planning to hang him.”

— — — — — — — — —

“Listen, Gary, what use would it be to kill me? Because I don’t know about you, but I don’t think ‘killing an innocent turtle yokai’ would be a good record to leave behind for retirement.” 

Leo sits back in his bed of straw, nonchalantly nibbling on a strand of hay with his arms stretched behind his back, his calf propped up on his knee in the picture of relaxation. 

On the inside, however, he’s a panicky mess.

How would he get himself out of this one? His swords are nowhere to be found, that stupid horse having taken them away. 

He grumbles under his breath, peeking an eye open to see Gary shift uncomfortably outside his cell. “I mean, it definitely won’t be such a good thing for your family to be related to a yokai killer,” He calls out nonchalantly.

“Look, man, I’m just one of the lower-ranking guards. The only one that can save you now is the princess, but I doubt she’ll even glance your way,” Gary chuckles.

“Hey, I’m worthy enough to be in her presence.” Leo retorts indignantly with a scowl, not liking the way Gary’s brow quirks in an almost mocking manner. “That’s it. I’ll be submitting a formal complaint against you!”

“As if you’ll still be here in the morning!”

“Am I getting released?” Leo’s eyes widen, a faint glimmer of hope in his chest dying out as soon as Gary barks out another laugh, glancing at the executioner’s stand nearby. 

“Oh.”

— — — — — — — — —

“Plan A: We break into the palace and knock out the guards-”

“Why is it that whenever you plan something, it always includes knocking someone out?” You interrupt Margaret, who pouts at your narrowed eyes and you shake your head firmly.

“Hey, you’re the one who fell for a wanted thief.” She points out, and you feel your cheeks flush with a sudden heat at the reminder.

“Whatever,” You grumble, “How’s this instead: I bribe the guards with cookies-”

“Cookies??” 

Margaret wheezes out a laugh, holding her stomach as she leans on the counter to stop herself from falling to the ground in a fit of laughter. “If they take cookies as bribes, you’d be the captain, not Maximus.”

You reach over, flicking your fingers against her forehead with a playful frown. “Okay, how’s this: We try to get an audience with the king and queen.” 

“Now that’s what I call delusional.” Margaret giggles, but a thought hits her, and she sits back up straight as her laughter dies down. “But that just might work. Okay, here’s the new plan: we knock out the king and queen-”

“Sometimes I feel like you’re not taking me seriously,” You sigh, massaging your temples. “Here’s the thing: The princess and her partner stopped by before the festival extended and before anyone knew she was the lost princess. We chatted, and we’re kinda sorta…friends. I think.” 

You definitely hoped you were.

“So, you plan to use your connection with the princess to get this… ‘Leonardo’ out?” 

“Hopefully, it’ll work. But you know what this means, right?” You glance at the oven with a determined gleam in your eyes. “Bribes.”

Margaret rolls up her sleeves, grabs the flour and gets to work. You look up at the clock, your heart sinking when you realize there are only a few hours before nightfall. 

So you roll up your sleeves and quickly braid your hair, picking up the large wooden spoon you use for mixing your dough. You’re nervous; the race against time already starting to rest its heavy claws on your shoulders. 

You couldn't afford to waste a single second. Not with his life on the line.

— — — — — — — — —

“Well, it’s not every day I see a turtle yokai in jail.”

Leo looks up, spotting a tall, handsome man walking past the cells and stopping outside his with an intrigued gaze. He stands up, brushing off the sparse strands of hay that had made itself home in his shell. 

Walking over, he mimics how the man is leaning against the wall, raising a brow. “Oh, yeah. How’re you doing, buddy?”

“Been good. Y’know, I used to be in one of these myself.” 

“Oh? What’d you get in here for?” 

“Stole the princess’s tiara.” Leo raises a brow, caught off guard by the unexpected response. No wonder the man before him looked familiar — Flynn Rider, the notorious thief on posters plastered throughout the kingdom. Well, at least until he brought back the lost princess and got engaged to her.

“Ah. I almost stole uranium.”

“So you didn’t go through with it?”

“No- I mean, yeah- I mean, it’s complicated.” He stammers, already starting to sweat. How was he embarrassing himself this badly in front of someone he admires?

“Oh, I feel ya. Just wanted a castle. Now I got both the castle and the princess.” 

Keep cool, Leo. You got this. You can speak in words.

“Oh? I wanted uranium, but I got bread.”

Great job, Leo.

“Bread’s good. You know that baker a few streets down from here? Her pastries are great. Y/n’s her name, I think. Rapunzel’s crazy obsessed with her cookies.” Flynn raises a brow when Leo’s eyes widen in surprise at the mention of Y/n’s name. 

“You know Y/n??”

“Yeah, I think I bought stuff from her a couple times. Why, do you know her too?”

“Kinda. I stole some of her cookies for a couple years,” Leo admits sheepishly with a wry chuckle, though a slight smile makes its way onto his lips at the memory of her catching him, “But this year, she caught me.”

“Wait,” Flynn pauses, stepping back as understanding dawns on him, “I know that look. Guards!”

“Wha-”

“Release this gentleman immediately.”

“But sir-” Gary protests, the tip of his spear aimed at Leo. Flynn places a finger on the edge and pushes it down slowly, careful not to cut himself.  

“It’s okay; he’s just like me. Would do anything for our dreams.”

Leo blinks, his cell being unlocked by Gary, whose scowl he ignores. Is that what he thinks it is? 

“Is that an inside reference to your own relationship?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. I should get one.”

“Follow me, young dreamer!” Flynn slings his arm around Leo’s shoulder, practically dragging him up the stairs to the palace halls. They walk past various other cells, one with a few bandits that growl at the sight of a turtle yokai. 

He gulps when they pass the room with the executioner’s table, Flynn clearing his throat when he gets reminded of the horror that dawned on him the first(and only) time he got captured.

“Oh wait!” Leo’s steps slowly halt, looking into a room with his swords carelessly thrown atop a pile of stinky shoes and tattered clothes. “What! Now this is just plain disrespectful.” He protests.

Flynn gestures for the guards to open the door, entering with a wince and a gag as soon as the smell hits.

“Sorry, gotta hang onto this in case you try to run away.” As Leo groans, Flynn grabs the swords by the hilts, slinging them onto his waist. First, they get held hostage, and now they’re being carried by another man?? 

This really isn’t his day.

— — — — — — — — —

“So that’s ten herbed loaves, twenty cookies, ten croissants, and two baguettes.” Margaret lists off, almost collapsing onto the floor after piling the goods in two large baskets. You groan when you stretch your arms upwards, all the tension in your shoulders releasing. 

You had spent the past few hours doing nothing else but bake the best pastries for the princess, hoping it’d help…convince her that freeing Leo would be fine. On what basis? You weren’t sure yourself. 

Maybe that he didn’t actually steal the uranium.

You hoist the baskets onto your wrists, arms already screaming in agony as you rest them squarely on your hip. “Well, I hope it goes well. I might’ve helped, but mom would kill me if she knew I was an accomplice.” 

You laugh at Margaret’s remark, bumping your hip slightly against hers as she looks up at you with tired eyes. “Thanks for helping. Wish me luck!” You call out, starting to exit the store and shutting the door behind you.

It’s quiet in the store, Margaret resting her arms on the counter as she processes all the information and what she’s done in the past few hours. She scoffs disbelievingly, shaking her head and groaning again at the ache in her shoulders. 

“Falling in love with a thief. Who knew?”

— — — — — — — — —

You all but run to the palace gates, the guards letting you in once they recognize you as one of the town’s more well-known bakers, some of them regulars at your store during the festival. 

You give them a quick nod, rushing to the staff entrance and sneaking up to the palace hallways. It’s challenging to do so with two rather heavy baskets in your grip, but you somehow make it halfway up the main stairs before ducking behind a gigantic tapestry that hangs from the ceiling.

The loud footsteps recede once the guards finish changing positions for their patrol, and you cautiously peek out from behind the thick fabric. 

Were they gone?

“I love this dress!” You hear a familiar melodious voice echoing from a room nearby, tiptoeing quietly towards it and peeking through the crack in the door. 

The princess stands on a footstool, doing a quick twirl until she pauses, sniffing the air until her eyes land on the door. You yelp when she runs to the door, flinging them open and greeting you with a beaming smile.

“Y/n! What’re you doing here?” She’s delighted by your presence, eyes lingering on the baskets in your grasp.

“Uh…Special delivery?”

She gasps at your response. "Thank you!" She giggles, accepting the baskets you hand to her. "What's the occasion?"

"Well... It's a long story," You admit, rubbing the back of your neck.

"Let's walk together while you tell me all about it!" She grabs your hands, and you follow, stunned into silence. She guides you through the palace, and you fill her in on every detail. 

Including the fact that you may have fallen for Leo.

She listens, pure intrigue and understanding in her gaze. 

"So I guess what I'm trying to say is..." You take a deep breath, turning to face her, "Will you reconsider his crimes? Because he didn't actually steal the uranium, but I'm sure we can work out an arrangement that would benefit everyone."

"I don't know..." Her voice is filled with uncertainty. You take her hands, holding them up as you basically plead.

"Please, I know it's...it's stupid, but being with him...He makes me laugh. He makes every day worth looking forward to. I don't know how to explain it; I just..."

You stop rambling when she places her other hand on yours, a warm smile on her lips as she nods. Your shoulders sag in relief, and she guides you to the grand hall, making your way down the stairs with a reassuring gaze.

However, once you take your first step down, you look up to see the very turtle you had set out to save. (Well, more of beg for his life to be spared but, same thing.)

“Y/n??”

“Leo??”

You stare at each other in silence. Flynn clears his throat, subtly shoving Leo forward. The turtle yelps, proceeding to trip over a missed step and tumbles down the stairs, landing flat on his face with a pained grunt.

“Oh my god!” You hurry down the steps with your heart racing in your chest, kneeling down and helping him sit upright. His eyes are unfocused, and the side of his forehead turns slightly purple. You're still unable to believe that he's right here in front of you, unharmed, and a breathy laugh slips past your lips.

“That…might’ve been my fault.” Flynn winces, yelping when Rapunzel smacks his arm lightly with a scolding look.

“I’m so sorry about that. Does he need any treatment?”

“Nope, we’re all good here. It’s how I get the ladies.” 

The three of you stare silently until your nose scrunches and giggles spill past your lips at Leo’s words. You wrap him up into a sudden hug, burying your face into his shoulder. His entire body stills, looking up at Flynn, who nods approvingly before his hand wraps around your waist and pulls you close.

He holds you tightly, feeling the wetness on your cheeks that brush against his bare skin. He doesn’t comment but pulls you just a little closer; hugs you just a little tighter.

“Aw, they found their own inside joke.” 

“Eugene!” Rapunzel scolds, though her eyes shine with a playful glint. She takes his arm, leading him back inside and leaving the both of you in peace. 

You’re too wrapped up in the fact that he’s here and safe and alive, and oh god, you’ve never felt such a flurry of euphoria before. You refuse to let go even for a moment, and he chuckles when you stick to him stubbornly. 

So he picks you up, holding you in a bridal carry and walks out of the palace past the slightly baffled guards. (Of course, with a smug wink to Gary as well.)

Leo walks to the store, noticing how your tears have already dried. Now, you just keep holding him close because, god forbid, he sees how red your face is.

But he doesn’t have to, the tips of your ears already revealing how embarrassed you are.

“We’re back home,” He chuckles. It’s like honey to your ears, a sound you’ve missed even though it’s been just a day. You finally unpeel yourself from him, refusing to look him in the eyes as he sets you down on your small couch.

He glances at you, noticing how your bangs obscure your eyes like a sheepdog as you stare straight ahead at the wall. 

“You need a haircut real bad,” He practically snorts, entertained by how comical you look. 

You purse your lips with a roll of your eyes and huff, trying to blow the bangs away from obstructing your vision.

“Stay here.” You watch Leo disappear into your room, eyes rimmed red and puffy from all the crying you’ve done earlier. He appears again with candles and other stuff in his hands, placing the candles in small bowls you keep around purely for candlelight. 

He puts candles around the room, lighting each one up and filling the room with a soft yellow glow. It reflects off his eyes like they’re mirrors, and you find yourself unable to look away at the sight. However, once you notice what’s in his hands, you’re suddenly eager to run away.

Your body stiffens, nervous, when Leo approaches you with a pair of scissors. The blades glint, and you wince, eyes widening. “I dunno…this might be a bad idea.” You voice out hesitantly.

“It’ll be fine! Just trust me.” He rolls his eyes playfully and waves the scissors about carelessly, gnawing doubt growing in your gut. You take a deep breath, closing your eyes. You can feel his presence nearing until he stops right in front of you. 

Contrary to your expectations, the way he holds your hair is gentle yet hesitant, from not wanting to unintentionally hurt you.

You focus on thinking about the next day instead, going through plans for next year’s Sun Festival, the snipping sounds of scissors cutting cleanly through your hair fading into white noise. 

Your nose scrunches when he lets go of a section he just cut, the ticklish sensation making you open your eyes. Your breath hitches, eyes widening slightly when you register the noticeable lack of distance between you. 

Too Close.

You glance upwards, trying to be discreet. He doesn’t notice, cerulean blue eyes filled with focus as his hands move to arrange your hair. You feel the heat rise to your cheeks, suddenly shy. Your fingers find a way to occupy themselves by clutching the hem of your dress, and the ground suddenly becomes the most riveting sight you’ve ever seen.

Wow. You had never noticed how many shades of brown there are in the wood. You note the little squiggly lines that run through your floor, trying to not think about his gentle gaze. Your heart felt as if it were humming at a frequency only you could hear, making you worry. 

You had fallen too deep, but maybe you didn’t mind where you are now.

[lavendersiic]

thoughts on persona 5 bc if I didn't write them down i'd explode

After 250+ hours I feel such a mix of emotions, the ending was bittersweet, inspiring, and heartbreaking. I’ve been feeling it especially today, almost an emptiness and sadness knowing that I’ll never experience the game for the first time again. I have to say goodbye to the characters and story I’ve spent time with almost daily since November. I’m feeling especially reflective and tender with all of the thoughts and questions that the game has left me with, from thoughts about how I can be a better friend and community member, to Big Thoughts™ about free will, happiness, and the nature of reality - this game has left a lasting impression and is something I’ll carry with me for a long time.

The Experience: 

Persona 5 Royal is incredibly successful in delivering a captivating and emotionally resonant story. I felt immersed in the world, empowered with meaningful choices, and continuously engaged through its meticulously crafted game loop. The narrative was so engaging and evocative, through the combination of art, music, writing made for a special first-time experience. There is room for improvement in accessibility, but overall this game is kind of a masterpiece. 

On my second playthrough, I did feel a bit of repetitiveness in some of the palaces. Many of the palace rulers were painted as purely evil villains. Madarame gains some nuance as we go through Yusuke’s confidant, see him grappling with the conflict between the truth of Madarame’s vanity and the fact that he did care for him. This clear cut moral view of the first few antagonists is an indication of the way the Thieves’ view the world. As teenagers, it is understandable that they would have a more simple view of morality, but you can see that evolving throughout the game. By the time we get to Maruki's palace, we are given a deeper exploration of his character and the morality of his motivations and actions are treated with more nuance. I think a big part of this is the fact that Maruki is more of an antagonist than a villain, though I think it also hints at the Phantom Thieves' maturing perspective on morality.

Friendship and Forgiveness:

There’s something about the nature of a social sim that really brings into focus how straightforward it can be to show up for those I care about. It can be as simple as investing time, listening and validating their experiences, and making memories together. It can be easy for me to overcomplicate things, to feel like I need to be doing more for the people in my life - but in reality just making time and space for people can be enough. 

I couldn’t talk about this game without talking about Akechi (best boy). He was instantly one of my favorite characters. It was just nice to hear someone with a different opinion at first, up until that point it felt like we were in a bit of a Phantom Thieves echo chamber. I believe that it’s important to have people around you who support you, but there is also value in having people who challenge the way you think. Before the reveal, he really is a breath of fresh air, he’s charming and goofy and even though you can tell he’s not being 100% honest, there’s something really special in the growth of your relationship as he slowly lets his mask go. 

After the reveal, I felt so heartbroken and confused - and mostly I just wanted to hug him. I just wanted him to be free and happy. In the moments where we reach rank 9 and 10, I remember just wanting him to join us - I was quick (maybe too quick) to forgive all he had done. I spent two in-game days mourning his death, revisiting the places we spent time together, and reflecting on our relationship. 

At the beginning of Third Semester, I was overjoyed to see him alive, even if it meant he would be in prison for his crimes. I was so happy that he was alive and that we had a chance (even outside of the game world) to continue growing our relationship. As third semester continued I just enjoyed having him around, his chaotic one-liners made me smile and it was nice to see him being authentic to his darker side. His evil laugh brought me so much joy. 

When we meet with Maruki and it’s revealed that Akechi actually did die in Shido’s palace, and that he was brought back by Maruki because we essentially wished it to be, I lost my marbles. Akechi’s willingness to die in order to be the master of his own fate was equally heartbreaking and inspiring. I wanted to accept Maruki’s deal in that moment just to have a happy life with Akechi, but I wanted even more to respect his wishes. 

When I think about what drew me to Akechi’s character, I definitely related to his experience of feeling like he always had to present a pleasant mask to the world, otherwise risking rejection. I related to his desire to feel needed, something I still struggle with now. I think that believing what I do now - that everyone deserves to be loved in their wholeness, their dark along with their light - I felt compelled to offer that same love and forgiveness both as Joker and as myself. 

Seeing Akechi’s struggles to find acceptance, and hopefully giving him at least a small sense of that in the time we spent with him was one of the biggest emotional payoffs of the game for me. 

Free Will

The question of free will was a throughline throughout the story, and we are challenged to consider the morality of taking desires, even with good intentions. With many of the other themes and moral questions raised in the game, there isn’t a right or wrong answer. As the player, taking on the role of Joker - unwavering in his view of justice - is exciting, but the game encourages us to still consider the moral implications of their actions, especially with the addition of Maruki’s palace.

The third semester brings up this conflict between the allure of a pain-free, comfortable reality and the chaotic freedom of choice in the real world. Ultimately, I agree with the decision to fight for reality - for personal agency and free will even with the guarantee of chaos and pain. It is a tempting test, even more so than Yaldaboath’s offer to return the world to it’s previous state. It was a easy to decline Yaldaboath, but sitting across from Maruki in Leblanc, I felt truly conflicted for a few moments. I knew in my heart that the right choice was to stop him, but at the same time - it was tempting to accept that world free from pain and suffering.

After watching both endings, I ached for Maruki’s reality. I wish that life could be that simple, but there was an underlying sense of unease at the almost sickly sweetness of it all. It felt like everything we had struggled through was empty. The true ending was bittersweet and heartwarming, and seeing all of the characters moving forward towards the lives they wanted held so much more meaning.

Conclusion

While my sleep schedule might be temporarily wrecked, I don’t regret the hours I invested into this game. It was a really beautiful and thought provoking story, and what I want now is to apply what I felt and learned to my reality, so that I can live a full, free, and connected life. While I'm reluctant to let the world and characters go, I'm excited to turn my focus towards my goals, nurturing connections with my friends and family, and prioritizing self-care and rest.

[tlpom]

Chapitre Deux

The next afternoon, when the class just ended, I had to go to the Youth Union office to do some tasks. When I left, the schoolyard was very empty, and my hungry stomach urged me to take my bike quickly to go home. As I was riding my bicycle through the school gate, I suddenly saw Mer: the boy I had known yesterday was standing there and wandering like waiting for someone. An ineffable wave of emotions suddenly rose inside my mind, which confused me. Having managed to look away, I hastily rode my bicycle past Mer. All of a sudden, I heard a girl calling me: "Hey dear!"

"Which girl's voice is that gentle? Why is it so sweet?" I thought.

I squeezed the brakes of my bike right away and was surprised to realize that it was Mer's voice. His eyes were no longer dark and cold like yesterday, there were drops of afternoon sunlight dancing playfully instead. The strange feeling from a few seconds ago returned and bewildered me again.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Actually…" Mer hesitated, "I just want to thank you for helping me yesterday morning…" "Thanks for what?" I was surprised, then understood and giggled, "Ah! That was… nothing!" "It may be just a little thing that is not worth mentioning to you, but it's very important to me!" Mer nodded, then softly said: "Because since my childhood, you have been the only one not to let others make fun of me by calling me 'pédé'!"

I had a feeling that it was very difficult for him to utter the word "pédé". Pain and sadness suddenly appeared in my heart when I heard that sentence. I wasn't who to be thanked. I was the one who needed to apologize because I also had laughed at him with my friends yesterday. The two of us just stood there for a long time without talking to each other. Finally, I hesitantly suggested: "I'll take you home!"

"Don't… You don't need to do it! It will bother you…" "It's nothing! Get on the bike, kid! It's getting dark."

His voice seemed to be lower and more hesitant. Mer's eyes showed that he had something to say, but they were held back. The unspoken words disappeared with a somewhat unstable breath.

"Is he having a problem that he wants to tell me but doesn't dare to say?" I wanted to ask him. However, when I looked at that face, after thinking thoroughly, I quit that thought and moved on to another topic.

On that day, I took him home - a home that gave me incredible warmth.

Since that day, we had been much closer. My life so far seemed to be perfect as I had my family, friends, basketball, and a part-time job, but it always seemed to be missing something indefinable. Mer came and fulfilled that void in me. We rarely met at school but texted each other every night. We discussed everything between heaven and earth! Mer usually had traumatic experiences and often confided in me. I gradually realized that he was a very sensitive person. Being physically weak from a young age, Mer did not like to take part in sports. Moreover, as he specialized in Literature, his only passion was reading books. He hid in the pages of the books to escape from a life full of melancholy and fled to the land of imagination and dreams.

🧡You can read the original version on Wattpad here or wait for more updates with bonus content on this Tumblr blog.

--------------------

♈About Alph16:

📸Instagram: 𝐡𝐨𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐩𝐡𝐮𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐩𝐡𝐚

📌Pinterest: 𝐀𝐥𝐩𝐡𝟏𝟔

💙Fanpage: Alph16 & Alpha Universe

[danmichelspsychotherapy]

Bring All Your Parts An Introduction to Parts Work

I often have clients in Couples Therapy and Counseling that might say to their partner: “part of me feels so much love for you and another part of me really hates you.” In Individual Therapy, this past week I had a client say: “part of me really loves my father. I admire him, he has taught me so much about life, about how to be a man. Yet another part of me feel resentful to him because he didn’t teach me how to be a sensitive, emotional man.”

We all have parts of ourselves that have different thoughts, feelings and opinions about the same thing just like this. We may have conflicting feelings about our spouse, our family, our job. We usually all find some kind of equilibrium with these conflicting feelings to a relative extent. Some days we might feel one way more than the other and the following day could be the opposite.

These inner conflicts can lead to a considerable amount of confusion and anxiety, especially when they remain unexamined.

Many modalities in psychotherapy directly work with this such as Internal Family Systems and Gestalt. Broadly speaking, it is often referred to as “parts work”. This post will be a brief introduction to what parts work is, how it can look in session and its benefits.

The essence of doing parts work is facilitating conversations between these different, conflicting parts of ourselves. Let me briefly describe what this might look like in an actual session of Individual Therapy. This can look a variety of ways, however, I often set up an empty chair directly in front of my client and I will sit off to the side. Then we will identify the different parts. In this case lets say that one seat represents unconditional love for your father (chair 1). The other seat will then represent all the anger, rage, disappointment, and resentments you might have towards him (chair 2). While sitting in one chair you are directly looking into the empty chair opposite you. While in chair 1, you will speak to you father from that place; from that perspective. You might say things like, “I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done for me” or “I love you dad” etc. You will then move to the opposite chair and embody that perspective and felt sense. From that place you will speak to your father from the anger, rage, sadness etc. I will have you move from seat to seat, and facilitate a real time conversation between these two different parts. Within this framework you can speak to different parts of the self or can speak to a projected version of a person in your life such as a parent. In that scenario, you will speak to a parent as if they were actually in the room. Depending on a variety of factors, you might occupy the seat of a parent and feel what it is like in that seat and then speak to yourself as your parent. This can be incredibly profound and transformative. This process will build increased empathy and compassion for not just different parts of yourself but also for people that we project upon such as our parents and intimate partners.

I am consistently amazed to see the transformations that take place when people immediately sit in a new chair. They often feel very deeply into that place and many begin to sob immediately upon sitting down without even saying a word. We might be familiar with these conflicting feelings in our own minds to a relative degree. But parts work helps to facilitate and deepen conversations that we don’t do on our own.

There is always a deeper clarity and resolution as a result of this process. However, this is not a battle where one feeling or perspective wins over another. This may happen in certain circumstances such as deciding whether or not to continue dating a significant other. But more often than not, these different perspectives continue to live in us whether they remain examined or not.

Parts work simply allows for us to listen to these different aspects of ourselves more deeply and more thoroughly so that we can better know their subtleties and the unconscious beliefs they hold.

Parts work has a number of different benefits. First off, we are deepening our understanding of our own thoughts and feelings. Getting more clarity in this regard is always beneficial. We may connect some dots between present thoughts and feelings to past events or situations, which will also increase our clarity of who we are and how we got that way. Another component of doing parts work is in increasing our capacity for greater complexity. There is a correlation between how much complexity we can hold and how adaptable we can be psychologically. Adaptability and flexibility in our feelings and thinking is actually a sign of increasing maturity and intelligence. We can be effective in a multitude of different situations; we can be more skillful in our interactions with a diversity of people. A healthy psychological system is one that embraces and knows its multiple parts and sub personalities better. As a result, there is an increased capacity to fluidly shift between these different parts; to feel more comfortable and powerful from within each of them.

There are many fields of psychotherapy that facilitate parts work; the major fields being Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Gestalt. These branches of psychology are well documented and if you are interested in knowing more then researching those are a great place to start! I will also be making more posts about parts work such as shadow aspects of the self, archetypes, and IFS in particular. Stay tuned!

To learn more about my Boulder, Colorado practice, visit my website at danmichels.com.

[lady-azarashe]

Story time! It's funny but also kinda sad at the end. Last night I got a surge of energy for once in months and I decided to finish setting up my old desktop computer at my current desk. Im still not sure if I will actually do anything with it, but it's been rotting in a box for almost a decade and I thought I might double-check what's inside. Thought I could always chuck it into the recyclable trash bin, after all. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

After pulling it out of the cardboard box I noticed it was dusty as fuck and something rattled real bad inside, so I grabbed a couple of screwdrivers and a vacuum cleaner and went to town on it's innards. I had to recruit some help from my partner because, even though I single-handedly set up this thing in 2010 I am notoriously dumber nowadays and couldn't tell where some of the wires went. When it was peachy we plugged it in, and after a couple tries (defective ON/OFF button, it was like that before too) it beeped back to life.

This little guy used to be quite powerful. I saved up birthday and Xmas money for a couple years and asked my supposedly " 1337 h4ck3r" friend for help on picking parts for a computer I could use to run games on. When they arrived from a shady-as-fuck website I set them up Geronimo-style, and to my surprise it worked!...Sort of. My script kiddy friend was on a Microsoft-hating binge and installed some random Linux distro on it, so I couldn't play most games I wanted and I couldn't type the @ symbol for some unknown reason. Couple months afterwards it got wiped TF out, got some Windows 7 thrown in, and I finally could get to my purpose of playing WoW, Minecraft and specially TF2. The dispenser is a Spy. Hooray.

But that wasn't meant to be it's only purpose. I was pretty isolated IRL due to circumstances outside of my control, and being a friendless child living in the middle of bumfuck nowhere while dealing with the dumpster fire of my parents' divorce, I had little chances of socializing. So I turned to the Internet for comfort, friendships, and to live vicariously through cool YouTube videos and GaiaOnline. Oh, and sick as hell desktop wallpapers too. And that's the story my old bookmarks are telling me today. And it feels so fucking heartbreaking, because I'm getting a glimpse of what were the golden days of old now laid in ruins. Dozens upon dozens of websites are gone. The fortunate ones display a 404 page, the unfortunate ones have been absorbed by bigger corporations or turned into some sort of clickbaity entrepreneurship bullshit. Most (if not all) the webcomics and webtoons I used to follow have been abandoned, tons of YT videos I watched religiously are unavailable, and not a single forum survived. The closest thing I have left is a GaiaOnline guild where I used to post very cringy teen stuff, and its last post is from 2011. Hell, even a lot of useful Reddit posts I had saved have been deleted over the years. And it's sad, and somewhat beautiful at the same time, but for the most part it makes me question something. Is it just me... or does the Internet feel incredibly dystopian and empty nowadays? Mainstream social media sites which became the Internet itself are rapidly on the decline due to their own hubris or falling prey to enshittification, I don't feel comfortable returning to Reddit, and Discord confuses me just as much (if not more) as Tumblr does. I really don't know where to go from here.

If you're reading this, my apologies for the massive wall of text. Do me a solid and give me ideas of what can I do with an old computer? I barely use my laptop nowadays, not sure what I can do with this old ark beyond formatting it and upgrading a couple of it's internal components. :/

[rotteddolly]

religion talk below, specifically about my time studying islam.

sorry, i'm having a feeling. it's really long. _(:‚‹」∠)_

man, sometimes i get sad thinking about how happy i was as a hijabi...i felt beautiful and free in khimars and jilbabs, but the homophobia in all the groups i intermingled with and on the site of a local masjid i got in touch with, was hard to see. a woman from one messaged me about joining a hijabi group who do outings and stuff, but i never got a response back when i said that i'd love to. i think it was bc she found my fb and thought i wasn't good enough or something like that. i was heartbroken over it.

i really struggled not having any muslim friends to study with and learn from. community is always so so important especially when starting out. it's so incredibly isolating and confusing. in my case, i was also getting verbally attacked by my mom at all times for even entertaining the idea of converting. she hates the religion, she thinks fundie christianity is the only way, she hates seeing me covered up and "hiding my beauty", she's embarrassed to be seen in public with me, etc etc. she cried once in the car bc she assumed i thought i was ugly bc i was dressing in modest clothing, when in reality, it was the complete opposite. i tried to explain my feelings a million times, but she just never listened. the stares and laughs from ppl in public was also rough. i've gotten islamophobic things shouted at me in the street, and on several occasions had pictures/videos secretly and not so secretly taken.

the pressure i saw being put on hijabis online is insane. men and other hijabis constantly commenting on how you're not a "real" muslim bc "x, y, and z." i'm assuming it could be like that in physical muslim spaces as well, but again, i wasn't even given a chance to experience them. i saw maybe 5 queer muslims while consuming hijabi content, and they were bullied relentlessly. so much in fact, that it made me terrified at the thought of any other muslim finding out i'm not straight.

i struggled with the strict regimens and rules, like praying 5 times a day, but i was happy with myself for doing 1 or 2 bc of mental and chronic illnesses. i thought it was good enough for god bc he knows my heart and my struggles, but the community online said otherwise. i struggled with not being able to embrace the gothic subculture and horror bc it was seen as satanic and again, made me a "bad" muslim. sometimes i wanted to be a hijabi, and other times i wanted to do full immodest goth looks, wig and all. it was like a constant pull on my heart, allah or my worldly love for the creepy and macabre. it was always made clear by others i had to choose, and i absolutely couldn't switch between them when i felt like it. i wouldnt stop praying, or saying bismillah before eating, or abstaining from non halal foods, etc, but the immodesty and goth in me would be rejected as kafir.

i don't know how i feel about god as a being. i don't know if he exists, i really don't know what i truly believe. but it felt nice to believe in those moments when i was alone, and no one was there to comment on how i was doing everything wrong...the days where i was out in the sun in full jilbab, sweaty, but smiling, feeling content and like my life had a purpose, a defined path.

today i feel kind of empty and hopeless. i miss parts of islam, but it's meant to be practiced as a whole (they say), not in pieces...and not by ppl like me.

[empressofthesunwriter]

Friendly Faces Everywhere

Codename Dovahkiin Part 2

Now that the Stick of Truth RPG is over it's time for N.K. to face the normal everyday life of South Park.

She should have known nothing in South Park is ever normal!

Day to day the craziness of this supposed quiet little mountain town she has to combat now.

Thank god, she has Tammy, Wendy, her boys, and her Social Media/Magical Girl Powers on her side.

This gonna be a wild ride!

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 6: Head empty, only confusion

I can’t believe how time has flown so fast.

In a few days, it’s Christmas.

My family broke their record of staying in one place.

It’s an incredible feeling. Celebrating this year in a town, which has become my home, and not in a stinky Motel room like last year.

Also, it’s the only time in the year I love snow.

Snow on Christmas Day is perfect.

I’m right now with Leo. We are building a snowman together before our houses.

“It’s awesome that we can play today big sis!”, say’s Leo happily.

“I agree. Leo, I’m sorry that I was so distant the last few days just…I didn’t want to make it awkward with me dating Heidi and being close to Stan’s Gang still.”, I confess ashamed.

Yes, call me a coward. I practically abandoned my male friends, because I couldn’t handle the unpleasant atmosphere, which was born between us since I "broke up" with Kyle and Kenny and started dating Heidi.

I did it also in respect for Heidi.

I know she is unsure about my feelings for her since I was so hung up on the two boys.

Being distant seemed the right way.

“No I kind of get it.”, tells Leo. “Kyle and Kenny are really sad about this, but also give the other the fault for this. They had a big fight and aren’t talking with each other.”

I wince at this.

Exactly that I didn’t want to happen, but whatever I do, someone gets hurt.

This sucks ass.

“How are the guys…be truthful to me.”, I beg Leo.

He frowns, while he puts the stones for our snowman eyes on the head.

“Well…Kyle is trying his hardest to save the living room, to get the family together again. I think Stan helps him. Kenny is taking care of Karen and Eric is busy with his Youtube account. I think they are okay, don’t worry so much big sis. You made your decision and they will learn to live with it.”

A soft smile forms on my lips and I pet Leo’s head.

“You are so positive, Leo. Never lose this okay?”

“Don’t worry, big sis. How is it going between you and Heidi?”

Hearing my girlfriend’s name fills me instantly with joy. I can easily forget what emotional disaster I created.

“Pretty good. Really, really good. I’m happy when I’m with her and I miss her when she is away. I think…it can be something for a long time.”, I confess.

“Woah, neato. Could you imagine marrying Heidi?”

…Oh, this is a question I didn’t expect.

Can I image it?

It’s a beautiful sunny day.

Not too cold not too warm.

The cute little church is filled with colorful flowers.

All my friends are sitting on the benches.

I’m holding into my Papà arm.

He leads me down the aisle.

There she waits for me.

Heidi.

A vision in her wedding dress.

But as I reach her, all start to shake and twist and turn.

Heidi isn’t waiting anymore for me at the altar.

It’s…Kenny…and…Kyle!

I see Stan besides Kyle holding a little boy in his arms.

Beautiful red curls.

An adorable cherubic-like face.

One eye is blue, the other green.

The little boy seems to stare into my soul…

“N.K.! Big sis! Are you all right?”

Leo’s voice drags me back from…this vision I had?

What was that?

I blink rapidly at him, and he doesn’t know if he should touch me to stabilize me or not.

In the end, he grips my shoulders.

Whatever I experience right now…it’s gone like fog with the first sun rays.

“Sorry, Leo, didn’t want to worry you.”, I gasp for air, petting one of his hands. “Maybe it’s time to go home. I still don’t like the cold.”

I can see how Leo isn’t convinced. He practically demands that he escort me the few meters to my house.

For that, I ruffle his hair.

He is such a cutie.

We part, with the promise to see us soon.

The next day I’m taking a walk with Heidi.

Hand in hand we enjoy the pretty Christmas decoration the town put up.

“Did you get all your Christmas presents?”, asks me Heidi curious

“Yeah, what I stress I tell you.”, I chuckle and swing our hands. “I…I never had so many friends as I have them here in South Park.”

“You are so strong N.K., I can’t imagine moving so often and leaving all my friends behind. You deserve to have a lot of friends.”

“And a super cute and wonderful girlfriend.”, I flirt.

Heidi giggles cutely, as I kiss the crown of her head.

We walk past the little Eletronik Shop which has like in the movies TVs in the sales windows.

I would have ignored what the TVs are playing if I didn’t suddenly hear Kyle’s voice.

Surprised I stop to watch what is on the TVs.

It shows Kyle in his living room, wearing a white shirt that has written on it #savethelivingroom.

“Please, tune in and help get America's families back in the living room.”

What the fuck, why is Cartman’s stupid commentator window also up? Of course, he calls Kyle a douchebag.

An announcer ends this spot with the words: “It's all live and it's all magical. It's the Washington Redskins Go Fuck Yourself Holiday Special.”

…The fuck?!

“N.K., are you all right?”, ask Heidi worried.

“Just…peachy, love.”

“Are you sure? Your left eye is twitching.”

Indeed it is. I try to stop it.

“I’m just… surprised that’s all. Also, I have a feeling Cartman is planning something, I felt in my gut.”, I admit.

Heidi gives me a look.

“And…you are totally angry that Kyle didn’t ask for your help and has gone to other people with his #savethelivingroom agenda. And now it seems they are using him and you want to start swinging. Especially at Cartman.”

Damn, Heidi is good! She really knows me well.

I sign and lead her away from the shop.

“Let’s just keep going. That’s not my problem what the boys do or not do.”

“I don’t want that you ignore your friends for me.”, she mumbles, facing the ground. Shit, I don’t want her to feel bad! “I know you ignore them mostly for me, but N.K. they are still your friends. You should help them if needed.”

I gulp, shaking my head.

“You are more important.”

“But N.K.-“

“No, Heidi, love, it’s okay.”

In silence, we continue our walk. Anyone tormented with their own thoughts.

Later I’m sitting in the living room looking at Twitter. I can’t believe that the fat asshole is trending so much!

He has nearly a high reach like when I use my Social Media Powers.

Unbelievable!

Mamma steps into the living room and puts a platter of fresh-baked cookies on the couch table.

Normally I would start eating them like a man starved, but…I just can’t.

What, Heidi said that I shouldn’t ignore my friends for her, and the wish in me to help them is going in circles in my brain.

“N.K., gumdrop, you don’t want a cookie?”, wonders Mamma surprised. “These are your favorite chocolate chip cookies.”

I put my phone away, shaking my head.

“Not hungry.”

“That’s your code for: I’m overthinking something and don’t know how to handle it.”, Mamma points out and I whine.

She is right.

“Wanna tell me what is going on?”

Not like I have to lose something.

“Mamma you know that I’m dating Heidi?”

“Hard not to since you presented her to your Papà and me.”

She sits down beside me on the couch stroking my hair.

“Yeah, right of course. You know…I had this huge crush on Kenny and Kyle. I couldn’t decide who I liked better and made a mess.”, I nearly cry, leaning on Mamma. “I know Heidi is insecure that I really like her and that’s why I ignored pretty much the boys. But now I have a feeling they need my help, but I also feel like I will betray Heidi this way.”

My Mamma hmms thoughtfully, hugging me to herself and I fall formally into her embrace.

“Did you talk with Heidi about this?”

“Not in so many words, but she said to me I shouldn’t ignore my friends.”

“Then listen to her.”

“But Mamma-“

“Now N.K. I know you don’t wanna hurt anybody, but if you don’t listen to what others say it will for sure happen. Believe in Heidi and that your relanteship is strong enough to have a friendship with the boys. You choose Heidi so committed to it.”

Tears fell down my cheeks and I huge my Mamma tight.

“Mamma…I think I love Kenny and Kyle…”, I confess in a tiny voice, ready to break apart. “I like Heidi, I really do…but I can’t stop thinking about Kenny and Kyle. I want them so much it hurts…”

“Oh my little princess.”, cooe Mamma kissing the crown of my head. “You stay away from them because you are scared you will cheat on Heidi, is that it?”

I can only nod, crying harder.

Mamma sings softly to me my favorite nursery rhyme from when I was little, rocking me back and forth in her arms.

“My little baby…why don’t you try polyamory?”, ask me, Mamma.

I hear a record scratch.

Did I hear her right?

I look up at her shocked.

“Mamma?”

“I…I never told you this but…I grow up with a mother and two fathers.”, let’s Mamma the bomb drop.

My chin meets the floor.

That’s…that’s the first time Mamma has talked about her family. When in the past I asked about them, she always told me that they are all dead and she doesn’t want to talk about it.

Now that she is doing it willingly…I’m just what?

Mamma strokes my hair and continues to tell me this: “You are a lot like your grandma, you know. No wonder you inherit her polyamory tendencies from her too. She told me when I was a little girl that she fall in love with my biological father and my dad at the same time. Your grandma couldn’t decide either who she liked more, because she loved both my fathers equally. So they decide to be together all three. Well, my two fathers never fall in love with each other, but they became best friends, and the love for my mother and then for me united them. Polyamory can also work if two of the party stay just friends.”

This…is a lot to unpack.

My mother notes that I’m practically having a crisis, so she hugs me tight.

“Maybe I confused you more with this…but N.K. I want you to know that if you truly talk to people and let them decide for themselves then maybe you will get what you want.”

“I like Heidi, I really do, I can imagine being with her for a long time. Why should I go for the complicated ones?”, I protest.

“Can you? Who do you try to convince? Me or yourself?”

I can just stare at the floor.

An image of a beautiful little red-haired boy with one green and one blue eye practically manifests before my inner eye.

A tear falls from my eyes dropping down on the couch.

I don’t have an answer.

I’m only lost.

With a loud sniff, I hide in my mother’s embrace.

I don’t want to think.

I don’t want to feel.

I just want to be left alone.

And I don’t wanna hurt anybody.

After a while, I calm down. Mamma tries to apologize if her words were too hard, but I just wave it off.

Maybe I needed to hear that.

That doesn’t mean I know what do to.

Defeated and done with anything I go up in my room and fall on my bed.

We may have a place at Christmas we finally can call home…yet I’m miserable.

Didn’t help either that polyamorous tendencies are genetic in our family.

I wish I meet my grandma…and my two grandpas.

Maybe they could help.

I pull my blanket over my head, closing my eyes.

I want to be alone and in silence for a while. Not to think about all this emotional chaos I have.

Later, I will join later my parents to celebrate Christmas…

I don’t know how I know but I’m in a place called Denny's Applebee's Max. Around me are all the people I know from South Park. Anyone is older.

It’s a big Christmas Celebration.

I’m sipping some champagne and looking around the room.

“Nice party, huh?”, says Tammy to me.

I turn to my best friend.

She…Tammy is also an adult. She still has long hair with blond highlights and wears a really simple black dress with some heels.

“Yep.”, I pop the p with zero enthusiasm.

Tammy signs and places a hand on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry N.K., I really am.”

I snort and down my drink.

“You are not the one who crashed their own marriage.”, I remind her bittersweet. Careful I look around. “You don’t see her do you?”

She shakes her head.

“You told me yourself that she left you for her boss. They are probably at the Bahamas or some shit getting drunk on coconut milk.”

“Only because I didn’t work on our marriage!”

“N.K. you are a motherfucking Superhero who saved this shitty world more times than we can count. Heidi should have been more understanding.”

“I don’t wanna talk anymore about that.”

Like a coward, I walk away in search of a new glass of champagne. I can’t even talk anymore with my super best friend.

This job is killing me.

It killed my marriage.

Now it will kill my social life.

Why did I agree to serve the government?

That’s when I see how Stan, freshly returned from the Mars colony, enters the restaurant and gets hugged by Kyle and then Kyle’s two adorable children.

I feel pain in my chest.

After I started dating Heidi I distanced myself from Stan’s Gang. The pandemic in 2020 didn’t help either.

Kenny joins them and all three friends laugh and talk with each other.

At least they are happy…

That’s when my phone sounds and I get help but sign.

I should have known I couldn’t celebrate Christmas again with my friends and family.

My duty comes always first.

I pick up the phone.

“Commander? Who is invading us now?”

I step out of the restaurant, alone, without someone who will wait for me to return.

“You saw one way you life could go? Would you like to see another one?”

YES!

I don’t know how I know but I’m in a place called Denny's Applebee's Max. Around me are all the people I know from South Park. Anyone is older.

It’s a big Christmas Celebration.

With an I whine I rub the spot on my belly where the baby kicked me.

That may be my fourth pregnancy but this child confuses my insides for a football.

“Mommy, is my little brother naughty again?”, ask me my little Naomi.

She is tucked to my side, rubbing my belly too.

Her beautiful red hair falls in long curls to her hips and her brown eyes shine like amber. She is tall for a five-year-old.

“A bit, but I can handle it, maudeleh.”, I reassure her.

“Mamma!”, calls my oldest daughter for me. 15 years old, tall, golden locks, and with brown eyes. She walks over to us like a top model. “Do you know when Uncle Stan and Aunt Marianne will be here?! I have to tell Ariel the newest gossip from Earth! Can’t believe they stayed for nearly a year on Mars! I miss my super best friend!”

“Layla you will survive these few minutes. You did it for a year.”, deadpans my oldest child and son at her. At 20 years, he is a young adult, but still, my little baby I fought so hard for. Styled red locks, one eye green and one eye blue in a devilishly handsome face, which makes all swoon.

“Don’t be a dick, Alexander!”

“Layla Tammy Broflovski, what did I tell you about such langue!”, scolds Kyle her, giving me a kiss on the cheek and petting Naomi on the head.

“That it’s not okay to call my siblings dick but anyone else is free game.”

Besides Kyle, we all snort, while he sends a look at the blond man who is coming towards us.

“She got that from you, Kenny!”, he accuse our husband.

Kenny grins cheeky, giving me a forehead kiss and Kyle one on his cheek.

“And yet you married my foul langue speaking ass.”

Kyle rolls his eyes at him, while Kenny picks up Naomi and puts her on his shoulders.

“Well my babes I agree with Lala-“

“-Daddy!-“

“-Over there. When are the Marshs coming? I wonder how big little Jamie got.”

We hear how someone nears us.

It’s Tammy, also pregnant, her husband behind her, holding their little three-year-old girl in his arms.

“Madam President-“

“-Tammy you are my best friend and my right-hand woman stop calling me that even in private!-“

“-You are the president of the United States what do you want from me sis? We have an Alert, I’m sorry.”

Alexander groans while I pet his head.

“I’m sorry, bubaleh, till I’m knocked up with your little brother I can’t go and fight.”

“No Ma it’s okay, I just hoped I could have at least said hello to Uncle Stan and Aunt Marianne.”

“Someone called our names?”

I can’t even look that fast as Layla formally jumps her best friend and my niece, Ariel Marsh, both girls hugging and jumping around like crazy kangaroos.

“Oh hamburgers, someone is happy!”, gasps Marianne and hugs little two-year-old Jamie to herself.

Alexander and Naomi formally throw themselves at Stan, Marianne, and Jamie, who return the affectionate gesture. After Layla and Ariel are done with each other, my daughter hugs her aunt, uncle, and cousin too.

I and my husbands also join the group hug.

It’s so cute seeing Stan, Kyle, and Kenny together, while I shower my little sister and my nephew in kisses.

Our big family is together again.

It’s so amazing.

At this moment I look up and meet the eyes of Alexander.

He gives me a tiny smile.

“Are you happy Ma? Is this all you ever wanted? Will you choose this way?”

With a gasp, I sit up on my bed and look confused around.

What kind of fever dreams did I just have?

Never in my life was I so confused.

There is a knock on my door. Still reeling I call for the person to come in.

It’s Mamma.

“Ah, you woke up. Papà and I were getting worried. Come let’s have Christmas Dinner.”

I can just nod, following my mother.

My parents tell me apparently I missed how Cartman tried to take world domination via his Youtube channel and was then stopped by PewDiePie.

What can happen when one takes a short nap.

Only one thing is clear.

I’m more confused than ever.

If someone wanted to help me…this was a spectacular mistake.

Christmas fucking sucks, my dudes!

*Twirls my fake mustache like a villain*

I can’t wait to hear your theories my loves. ;D

Next

Support me on Ko-Fi!

Join my Tumblr for updates and news!

[your-sweet-cookies]

🎲

The kiss roulette

And your lucky number is... 35!

A kiss against the wall

It was unusual for Kukki to have an outburst of anger like the one she had just now, but even she had a patience limit that if crossed, she wouldn't have been able to hold back her emotions any longer. This must've been the hundredth or thousandth time Niragi came back badly injured from one of the games, acting as if nothing was wrong or bad in the world, worrying her sick in the process, and Kukki kind of reached her limits with his soo uncaring demeanor.

When was he going to finally understand that his carelessness towards his own safety and life was hurting her? Couldn't he see how much he meant to her and how worried she was every time he'd be running late from one of the games or when she saw him coming back covered up in blood?! Even if she was still shy about it and she didn't really know how to express her feelings that well, Niragi meant the world to her and Kukki felt that if she were to lose him, her life would lose all its meaning too! So it broke her heart seeing him like that or knowing how little he cared if he'd die or not.

But this time... This time he had went too far! When the last car of the night returned and Niragi was still nowhere to be seen, Kukki's anxiety and desperation reached such a high level that she felt as if her world was going to start crumbling down before her eyes. All she could do was fall to her knees, staring blankly at the now empty car, while hearing the other militants, who'd just returned, talking in passing that tonight's games were incredibly brutal: an 8 of Spades, 9 of Clubs and a game of hearts she couldn't remember what difficulty they mumbled about. What if... What if Niragi had lost his life in one of these games?

The question still lingered in her mind as Kukki stood there, frozen in place, for what must've been hours. She couldn't scream, she couldn't cry, she just felt extremely... empty. And in the end, when the fatigue caused by all that anxiety finally reached her, the silver-haired woman fell asleep, still propped against the giant metal gates of the resort.

And thus, the first rays of the morning sun found Kukki still in the same place, but at least the dawn of the new day brought with it the good news she was starting to lose hope of ever hearing. "Morning princess! What's up, decided to camp outside for the night?" The familiar sound of the deep, raspy and husky tone of the voice she knew oh so well startled Kukki awake, as she blinked confused and stared baffled at its owner.

Staying now in front of her, leaning on his rifle as a makeshift cane for support, was none other than Niragi. A pretty roughed up and beaten up Niragi, but an alive one nonetheless. "S-Suguru?" Kukki's voice trembled when she finally recognized her lover and realized he was indeed real and not an illusion created by her heartbroken psyche, her eyes now filling up with tears of happiness and relief.

"Yours truly." Niragi snorted and tried teasing her, as Kukki didn't wait any additional second and jumped up, throwing herself at him for a very tight hug. "I-I am soo glad you're finally back! I-I was so worried! When that car came without you... I... I..." She could barely form coherent sentences in her erratic speech as she sobbed, squeezing the man even tighter as if she was afraid he'd disappear from her grasp if she didn't hold him strong enough.

Hearing her say that and feeling her trembling little body pressed like that against him brought a slight smile to Niragi's tired features. "It's okay princess... Now I'm back here, so you don't have to worry anymore." His roughed up hand pat her gently on the head, while the other rested on her back in a half hug. "I'm sorry I made you sad... Last night's game was truly one hell of a bitch! Got a broken leg after falling in a fucking ditch and the idiots I was with didn't even bother to check if I was still alive! They just upped and left. But fortunately, I don't have any intentions to meet the Devil yet, so I made my way back on foot, limping, but still in one piece." The man explained and let out a slight chuckle, anger laced in his words remembering about his useless teammates.

"For fuck's sake Suguru! You should've used that goddamn walkie talkie to call for help!" Kukki snapped back at him, rendering Niragi confused. "Walkie talkie?" It took him a slight moment to remember that indeed, Hatter required of them to have one of those on hand in case something were to ever happen and they'd need assistance, but he never gave a fuck about what that crazy bastard had to say. No one told Niragi what to do! So he never bothered getting one for himself. "Ah, that... I don't give a shit about Hatter's stupid toys, so I never got one."

A loud thud could be heard as Niragi's tall body got slammed with rather surprising force into the wall opposing them, as his answer seemed to have really rubbed his girlfriend the wrong way. "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! DO YOU THINK THIS IS A JOKE?! HOW CARELESS CAN YOU BE?! YOU COULD'VE DIED! AND FOR WHAT?! BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO FOLLOW HATTER'S RULES?!" Kukki screamed at him in a way he'd never thought her capable of. Not that Niragi would have ever thought her capable of pinning him to a wall either, but looks like Kukki really kept true to her promise of always being unpredictable.

"Oh wow... I never thought you had this much force in those delicate arms of yours..." Niragi laughed nervously, still a bit in shock from her reaction. "What if you wouldn't have been able to make it back?! Or worse, what if your wound would've been much worse and the lack of medical assistance could've costed you your life?! Don't you care if you were to die?! DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT ME?!" Kukki continued on, her eyes filling up with a new stream of hot, bitter tears.

"Why can't you understand that your life means much more than you think?! And that your death would break those who care about you, especially me?! Can't you see your actions are hurting me deeply?! When will you understand how much I love you?" With those final words and the tears rolling down her cheeks, Kukki grabbed his collar and pulled him into a deep, messy and sloppy angry kiss, but one in which she tried her best to encapsulate all her feelings and strong emotions she harbored for him. The young woman then didn't let go of him until they both ran out of air. "I don't want to fucking lose you! If you'd die, I'd lose the only thing that keeps me going and the only person I've ever loved and loved me back... If you leave me, there would be nothing else worth fighting for anymore! What would be the point? I love you more than anything!" Kukki then continued crying and buried her face in his chest.

[britishsimp]

Not meant to be

Warnings: Swearing, sad ending

Not my story it was created by my friend

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's nice to fall in love, not until you finally hit the ground.

The spotlight is on us now, we are dancing in the middle of so many people, It's his 21st Birthday, in those 21 years, I've been by his side for 12 years, and I've loved him for 12 years.

You know the feeling that you both know that you're not JUST FRIENDS but at the same time you can't call what relationship you have as LOVERS because there is no label, no assurance, no commitment held.

But I'm fed up, I'm fed up with our set up like this; owning, blocking, flirting, even though it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be because there are no rights, There are no rights because we don't have any – I'm not his, He's not mine.

I'm going to confess.

We swayed to the rhythm of the music, and I couldn't help but be mesmerized by his smile. It was as if nothing else mattered in the world but the two of us on the dance floor.

As the song came to an end, he spun me around, we then continued to look at each other's eyes

''h/n, I li-''

''I know'' He said, cutting my words off

I was so confused, he just smiled at me.

We go back to our place earlier, he'll blow candles first.

It's okay! I still have a lot of time, the night is still long.

After blowing his candle, he took the mic, and there he began his speech ''Good evening to all of you, and thank you for being here tonight to celebrate my 21st birthday debut. I am honored and grateful to have you all here to share this special moment with me. Turning 21 is a significant moment in any young person's life. It marks a transition from adolescence to adulthood, and it comes with newfound responsibilities, privileges, and opportunities. I want to thank my friends and family who traveled from near and far to be here tonight. Your presence means the world to me, and I am truly grateful for the effort you all made to celebrate this milestone with me. And of course, I want to thank my parents for organizing this incredible event. Without their guidance, I would not be the person that I am today. Without them– I wouldn't be able to live this comfortable life that I lived my whole life, but as I grew up.. I realized that living a comfortable life without purpose is not what I really want,''

Everyone at the event looked at each other and whispered

''after a few days, I will go to Paris, I will live there and I will continue my studies. Mom, dad I'm sorry but... I'm stepping down from the position as heir to the company''

His mother's mouth was covered, while his father's eyebrows were already meeting

''A lawyer, that's what I want to be. I want to help people and be able to make changes. For me, being able to pursue that is better than living this comfortable life, this comfortable life where I can get all the clothes I want, I also studied at one of the most expensive schools in the country, every morning someone prepares something to eat, wear'' Until now, he was still smiling "I believe that sometimes we need to let go of the past and start anew. Again, thanks for attending my birthday party everyone-''

I can't seem to finish his speech anymore, I ran crying, I heard our other friends calling me but I ignored them.

I'm now in an empty hallway

Someone grabbed my hands ''y/n wait-''

''What is that, h/n? Are you not done yet? Are you going to reveal something else?'' I said, trying not to cry

''I'm sorry, I like you too but I'm not yet ready..'' he said

I couldn't stop myself from crying

I was ready to risk it all but I guess I'm not someone he's worth risking for

He stepped closer to me then he hugged me "God damnit h/n"

At least once in your life, have you ever considered choosing me?

Can't I be there while you chase your dreams?

Can't we chase each other's dreams together?

[ecrireverie]

wait actually! i was thinking about this the other day, my mother has early-onset alzheimer's and as horrible the disease is there are a few wholesome things i've discovered that just make me adore humans and how the brain works. for awhile now, she has gone past the point of recognition for her loved ones and she cannot carry out conversations, so keep in mind that circumstances where we are able to actually communicate effectively with each other are rare. but over the years i've found ways that are a little unorthodox.

one of my favorite things ever is that like what OP showed through their experience, music is still preserved in the memory of people with dementia. my older sister told me that before my mother was diagnosed, she loved the titanic soundtrack as well as church hymns, and my mother would have her play them on the piano. i had no idea she loved titanic when i first learned the soundtrack on the piano several years later and her alzheimer's disease had progressed significantly (at that point nobody had touched the piano for years). even if she didn't remember us and couldn't talk to us coherently, she would light up at the sound of me playing and she'd sing along to the lyrics word-for-word.

the same goes for church hymns. we hadn't gone to church in awhile and my sister hadn't played the piano in years, but the first time my sister played again, she'd sing along and her face would just change? the disease took her so young but at that moment she'd never looked younger, and when our eyes met, hers weren't empty- it was pretty incredible to see. she would come back to life, singing along with us and appearing anything but hollow. music is so, so beautiful and when i experienced this it just became more meaningful.

my mother has also still retained her empathy. this might be my favorite. i remember i'd been crying and it was just me and her at home. i didn't bother pretending i was fine when she found me because she was so far gone it wasn't like her brain would register that i was crying anyway. i just felt her standing in front of me (i was sitting by her bed), and when i looked up after a few minutes, i was surprised to see her staring at me and actually crying too? she was opening her mouth and trying to say something coherent, but she would often fall short, her words not making sense, but i could see in her eyes that she was confused and really, really sad as she watched me cry, and it was like she was trying to reach out but didn't know how to.

i've read a bit about mirror neurons before- the neurons that get activated for empathy. i wonder if they are among the last to go in alzheimer's disease. and if this is true, how cool is that?? how amazing is it that even if we can't comprehend someone else's pain in this way, we can still feel it by a mere look. i never really thought about it before.

this final one is a little more subtle. my mother still squeezes my dad's hand when he holds it at church. maybe it doesn't mean much. but i think it does because she really needs assistance for her movements. we have to spoonfeed her meals, tip the cup to her lips when she drinks water, bathe her, change her diapers. it's a very small thing to squeeze his hand back but it makes me smile every time i see it, because she doesn't do anything on her own except roam around aimlessly at home, and it's like she's losing her instincts.

My grandpa with mild dementia is so funny, it's really funny that he lives in the middle of a lush valley, and he still has the urge to roam

It's a symptom apparently for dementia patients to roam so he ends up usually finding himself next to radios and places where people have mariachi bands playing

It's really sweet how he still loves music and it brings him joy, it makes him incredibly happy

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

So, I’m no writer, but I have an incredibly sappy idea for the ending to Stranger Things.

I know some others have suggested that the series will end with Joyce and Hopper’s wedding, which I think is a good idea. A celebration of love is the perfect way to cap off a story of pain and survival with a message of healing.

Let’s assume that the first dance has already occurred (any suggestions on what Joyce and Hop would dance to?) and the reception has settled a bit, people starting to mingle and dance. Will is just content to sit at the family table and relax, happy to have peace after so long. He’s chatting with El, who mentions Mike. 

Will looks over to where Mike is sitting at a table with his family and the Sinclairs. Lucas is turned around in his seat in conversation with Max and Dustin, who are seated at the next table, but Mike isn’t really taking any part of it. In fact, he looks bored and a bit sad. He looks over at the family table, only to quickly look away when he sees Will and El already looking at him.

The opening notes to George Benson’s Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love For You start to play. El smiles and gets up to walk over to Mike. Will sadly smiles and looks down. It’s been hard lately. Mike has been back to treating Will like he used to, the way that made Will fall for him, but he’s still spending a lot of time with El. Alone time. 

If I had to live my life without you near me The days would all be empty The nights would seem so long

Will glances over to the pair. El has pulled Mike away from the table and is talking to him. Mike is rapidly shaking his head with a flustered look on his face. Will scoffs and turns to make a snarky comment to his brother, only to see that Jonathan isn’t there. Oh, he’s pulling Nancy out onto the dance floor. Will looks down at his drink and plays with the straw. He doesn’t notice Mike looking over at him. He doesn’t notice Mike visibly swallow and slowly move towards the family table.

With you I see forever, oh, so clearly I might have been in love before But it never felt this strong

On slightly shaking legs, Mike reaches the table. Will doesn’t notice he’s there. He’s in his own head, thinking about a dream he’s had as long as he can remember.

Our dreams are young and we both know They'll take us where we want to go

Suddenly, a hand enters his field of vision, palm up. He stares at it in confusion for a moment before looking up. Mike is looking back at him with a scared, but hopeful, expression. Will doesn’t understand, and he cannot find any words. Mike musters the courage to jerk his head in the direction of the dance floor, his outstretched hand shaking, but determined.

Hold me now, touch me now I don't want to live without you

Realization strikes Will. Realization and more confusion. He looks over Mike’s shoulder to where El is watching. Curiously, she seems excited, like she’s about to burst. Dustin, Lucas, and Max have also noticed. Dustin has his head cocked like a curious puppy, and a smirking Lucas is leaning over to whisper into Max’s ear, probably telling her what’s going on. 

Nothing's gonna change my love for you You oughta know by now how much I love you

He sees her smile before saying something back to Lucas. He catches eyes with Will and gives him a look (”What are you waiting for?”), as he takes Max’s hand and leads her to the dance floor.

One thing you can be sure of I'll never ask for more than your love

Will takes Mike’s hand, and the boy visibly relaxes. Will gives him a look (”Are you sure?”). Mike swallows and nods, afraid, but determined. On the way to the dance floor, they pass a confused Hopper and a beaming Joyce. 

Nothing's gonna change my love for you You oughta know by now how much I love you The world may change my whole life through But nothing's gonna change my love for you

The hear a few gasps as they reach the floor. Mike simply sets his jaw and tightens his grip on Will’s hand. Will squeezes back before turning to face Mike. They laugh as they try to figure out where to put their hands. The awkwardness broken, they begin to dance.

If the road ahead is not so easy Our love will lead the way for us Like a guiding star I'll be there for you if you should need me You don't have to change a thing I love you just the way you are

Will settles his head on Mike’s shoulder. Mike peers up and sees Jonathan and Nancy dancing nearby. They’re looking back at him and Will. Nancy smirks and gives Mike a nod, but Jonathan stares down Mike. Jonathan mouths “You better not hurt him” to Mike, but then smirks and nods at him. Nancy gives him a good natured poke before turning him away from her brother. 

Nothing's gonna change my love for you You oughta know by now how much I love you One thing you can be sure of I'll never ask for more than your love

Will has never been more content. He looks over Mike’s shoulder and sees his mother smiling back at him. She gives him a thumbs up, to which he rolls his eyes before returning back at her. Next to her, Hopper is watching with exaggerated dismay. He gives Will a look (”Really? Wheeler?”). Joyce slaps him on the arm before leaning in and pressing her face to his shoulder. Hopper gives a dramatic sigh before putting his arm around his wife. Will laughs. Mike pulls back to ask him what’s so funny and their eyes lock. 

Nothing's gonna change my love for you You oughta know by now how much I love you The world may change my whole life through But nothing's gonna change my love for you

Mike breaks first, glancing down at Will’s lips. Will gulps and looks down at Mike’s lips. They lean in. 

Nothing's gonna change my love for you You oughta know by now how much I love you One thing you can be sure of I'll never ask for more than your love

Unbeknownst to the couple, Karen Wheeler has been watching the whole time, confusion on her face. She glances over at El, who is talking with Dustin, then back to the boys, trying to piece everything together. She turns to her husband, who isn’t paying attention. Ted looks at her when she elbows him in the side. She jerks her head to the dance floor, and Ted turns and sees his son and Will gently kissing. Ted shrugs and turns back to his shrimp cocktail. “Stranger things have happened, dear.” Karen sighs, but turns back to her son. A small smile grows on her face as she sees Mike and Will looking at each other like they’re the best thing to ever happen to each other.

Nothing's gonna change my love for you You oughta know by now how much I love you The world may change my whole life through But nothing's gonna change my love for you Nothing's gonna change my love for you

[eldritch-araneae]

SPARKPULSE X: SPIRE OF THE WORLD

Summary: It is time to take back the most valuable cybertronian artifacts, AllSpark and Vector Sigma. Will it be as easy as it sounds? Journey to the Spire to find out!

Content warning for blood and violence.

Bumblebee's spark chimes in pride, looking at the result of his and Windblade's work.

Their room still looks chaotic, but now it's controlled chaos. He placed essential things such as stimulants on Windblade's eyesight, while other items he organized in logical and easy-to-remember ways.

The last thing is decorating. Despite moving away soon, it's a good thing to make the place they occupy more welcome and cozy. His room was empty and sad as if reflecting his loneliness. Now he's not alone anymore. Their place looks alive, and glow-in-dark stars will make it more exciting.

Windblade is sitting on their bed, organizing her notes regarding their investigation. She's making a list of information they need to lookup in Optimus' archives. A random thought just occurred and she can't help her curiosity.

"So, despite the seal, occasionally, you can remember things," she says, recalling his descriptions of feelings and images in rare cases after he wakes up. "I wonder if it's because of the sheer scope of memory locking the seal must perform?"

"You mean?" Bumblebee asks as he sticks another star on the wall by their bed.

"Like any flexible material. The more you stretch, the thinner it gets to the point it becomes see-through. You possess an incredible amount of memory cells, and trying to block all of them makes the seal worse at its job." Windblade pauses, thinking this through. "Meanwhile, mine covers only a few cells and I don't get any random recollections about possible contents..."

"That feels oddly specific..."

"Indeed."

A star peeled off the ceiling and fell onto Bumblebee, conveniently sticking to his forehead. Windblade lifts her head to see his adorable face and bursts into laughter. "This star looks very cute on you! Have you considered updating your paint job?"

He stares at her for a few seconds before he takes a star from a sticker sheet and sticks it to Windblade's nose. In response, she takes another sheet with a mischievous expression, peels a star, and sticks it to his right cheek. Then he puts another to her arm and her inner gremlin has been awoken.

In the next second, datapads were forgotten as Windblade chased Bumblebee around the room, sticking as many glow-in-dark stars on him as she could. He fought back bravely,  he even landed several stars on her. Bumblebee thought he could win this until he ran out of stars. Windblade holds her last sticker with a devious grin and walks to him slowly.

"You'll never catch me!" Bumblebee dramatically swings his arm to the side, opens the door, and runs out. Windblade immediately bolts after him.

The chase in the corridors continued for several minutes, confusing everyone who accidentally came across. But the minibot always being just out of reach. Windblade decided to end this quickly, as she had one advantage over Bumblebee - she can fly.

"You're finished!" she exclaimed as she used her thrusters to launch herself at him.

Unfortunately, a door on the left has opened, and Prowl stepped into the corridor without checking it first. So Windblade's hand with the star collides with the second-in-command's forehead instead. The loud clank noise echoes through the base, followed by Prowl falling onto the floor unconscious.

Bumblebee stops and turns around to see what happened, and his confused expression met Windblade's shocked one. After silently exchanging looks, they did the most logical thing - take the fallen bot and bring her to medbay.

-----------

Ratchet saw many things in life and knows better than anyone how chaotic Autobots can be. So many bots came to him with the most random and ridiculous injuries. Yet each day brings him more surprises.

Seeing two Autobots, one of which isn't known for mischief, covered from head to feet in star stickers, carry unconscious Prowl with the sticker on her head, sends the medic into the endless spiral of "HOW?!"s. No shenanigans before this moment have prepared him for this.

After making sure that the second-in-command's life isn't in danger, Ratchet turns to the squirming duo. Seeing his piercing gaze, both raised their hands in their defense.

"It was an accident, I swear!" they said in unison while trying to not laugh.

"Bumblebee, you're a bad influence," Ratchet says with a sigh, crossing his arms.

"Me? Noooo, I'm not influencing anyone! Just enabling~" the yellow minibot sings songs while trying to appear as innocent as possible. Ratchet sighs again. No one can resist Bumblebee's adorable face, and he knows it. Much to his annoyance, the medic noticed Windblade being more social since Bumblebee appeared and it's a good thing.

"Fine. Windblade, try to hold your amica back at least for a week? I need a break." Ratchet huffs, motioning towards the door.

"I will!" she takes Bumblebee's arm and both flee the medbay before the medic changes his mind.

-----------

By the dawn, Bumblebee finished tidying their room, and Windblade finished her list. Both are satisfied with their results.

"What's amica by the way?" he asks as he plops into the bed with an energon snack in his mouth. "It sounds familiar, but I can't put my finger on it."

"Amica Endura," Windblade says, studying his expression in case it rings any bells. Seeing it didn't, she continues. "It's a name for one's platonic partner, very similar to Conjunx Endura - the romantic equivalent. The ceremony involves partners exposing their sparks to each other while saying amica vows."

Bumblebee smiles, imagining the ceremony in his mind. It feels incredibly special, and it warms his spark. Then his smile widens. "So, Ratchet assumed we did the ceremony?"

"Not only him, and I can't blame them, considering we are sharing the same room." Windblade settles next to Bumblebee with an adorable giggle. "Chromia thought you're my conjux, but you know me - not feeling the romantic attraction."

"Yes, me too! Romance? I don't know them, nope!". They laugh lightly in solidarity.

Bumblebee leans onto Windblade's side, relaxing as he thinks more about it. It feels nice to belong, to be loved... does he really belong, though? There is only one way to find out before his mind will fabricate the wrong assumption.

He inhales deeply, mastering his courage, before asking. "Do you consider me to be your Amica Endura, by the way? Like, for real?"

"Yeah," Windblade replies so casually, like it was the most obvious fact. Then realization caught up with her. "Yes! Absolutely! You make my life much brighter and fulfilled. With you around, I can just be myself, and I can actually talk to people outside of my profession! Seriously, I had no idea how to interact with anyone, and you do it so easily. And it's just fun, and you're so gentle and I feel safe and content and, well, anything."

She stopped when she saw Bumblebee's expression changed, staring at her with wide optics. He looks like he's about to cry. She got worried that she said something wrong, but he suddenly asked, "Really? Am I so important to you?"

"Bee," Windblade says his name with such tenderness as it was the softest thing in the world and tightly embraces. He returns it, feeling like he's about to melt. "What about you?"

"I feel the same. When I'm losing myself, you're my only anchor. You remind me I don't have to be alone anymore. That I deserve... love?" he looks up at her, seeing a smile of approval. She says this a lot, and Bumblebee is slowly accepting it.

They rest together in silence, just taking in each other's presence. After thinking about it more, he said, "I want to do the ceremony.". He was excited for a moment before he remembered one crucial detail. "But how am I gonna expose my spark if I can't open my spark chamber?"

"We don't have to follow the exact canons. I can open my spark and this will be enough." Windblade says, reassuring him.

"But that means only I get your light, but you won't get mine. That doesn't seem fair..." Bumblebee grumbles, thinking of the ways to fix the situation. "Oh, can we do it in my mindscape? I can imagine my spark opening for you if you're okay with this."

"You're so sweet, Bumblebee." Windblade gives him a warm smile. "We gotta try this, I bet no one tried this before!"

A call from Jazz came to their commlinks, interrupting them. They exchange looks before Bumblebee replies first, "Yeah?"

"Hey, Bee, there is a situation by the Stronghold gates. We need you and Windblade here." Jazz says calmly. There is something in their voice, but it's hard to decipher.

Both mechs looked at each other in confusion before Windblade nodded to him. "Alright, we'll be there in a few minutes."

-----------

Bumblebee and Windblade arrived at the gate to see the Autobot High Command and a bunch of Decepticons, including Clobber, Lockdown, Cyclonus, and Thundercracker. They saw Prowl was being okay, feeling relieved. Noticing her looking at them, they quietly approached her.

"I'm sorry," Windblade whispers the apology, making sure she's not disturbing the conversation between Optimus and Decepticons. "I will be more careful next time."

"Me too." Bumblebee adds as well.

Prowl nods. "Apology accepted. Now, step forward, your expertise is required," she says, motioning with her optics towards the group.

"As you can see, we got an interesting development." Jazz turns to them. "They want to join us, so it would be great to get an insight from you two."

Clobber notices both mechs come in and waves at them. "May I speak to you?"

Autobots exchange their looks, then Optimus Prime nods. The duo walks up to her.

"The reason we're here is that Shadowlurker appeared in my dream several days ago. We talked about Megatron's actions and agreed it won't end well for all of us. He told me you're leaving the planet soon and offered me to join. I took those who are sharing the point of view and sneak out of Kaon." Clobber explains calmly.

All Autobots, including Bumblebee, look surprised upon hearing it. Not because he offered help, but because only Windblade was known for her ability to dive into other mechs dreams. The minibot hums, trying to remember anything from the last sleep cycles.

"Can you confirm?" Prowl asks Bumblebee, going straight to the point.

The minibot doesn't know what to say, so he examines the group's sparks first. He feels like Clobber is genuine, others seem nervous. Out of fear that Autobots will deny them, or because they are trying to infiltrate and scared to be caught too early?

But there is no underlying malice though, and those who are present didn't fight Autobots a lot in the past. He knows well that Clobber and Lockdown are pretty much harmless. And she left her second-in-command post long ago.

Thundercracker always appears to be distracted on the battlefield, like his mind occupied by something else entirely. So he's usually put at defense or guard duties.

Cyclonus was never seen fighting them at all. He heard some rumors from Decepticons that he sneaks out during the battle, but no one knows where or why. Though now to think about it, Tailgate is also mysteriously absent at the same time.

Overall, letting them in doesn't seem like a bad idea to him. But he still needs to answer Prowl's question.

"I cannot tell, as I rarely remember anything from my dreams. But I had a persistent feeling that someone must arrive soon." Bumblebee shrugs. There is nothing else he can say about it.

"Ah, that's right. You warned me about this too. So you asked me to talk to Windblade." Clobber looks at the red VTOL jet. Then she looks back at Bumblebee with curious optic. "I wonder why you looked like a Seeker thought."

"Probably because your mind shaped him like this to protect your psyche," Windblade suggests, still puzzled about Bumblebee's abilities. "I can confirm my friend can't remember dreams. Unless someone else was in it with him, no one would know what the dream was about."

"Is it possible for someone to reach one's dream at such a great distance? Kaon is on the other side of Cybertron." Prowl points out. "As far as I know, Windblade needs to near pull this off."

Everyone went silent, trying to remember any similar examples from the past to confirm or deny.

"I'm not sure, but maybe it's something I can do with Spark Telepathy? My ESPER seems to be attuned to the subconscious as a whole." Bumblebee theorizes, feeling this could be possible. This sounds fun! "It appears to be on the opposite side of the spectrum from Mind Telepathy. Windblade, we have to test this later. I'm very curious!"

"Hm, that makes sense. And we definitely gonna test this! "Windblade smiles, sharing the excitement with Bumblebee." It took a lot of training for me to master entering one's dreams. It's not the same as entering one's mindscape, because my abilities are attuned to conscious by default."

"One can sense thoughts and another feels our sparks. You're a very interesting duo." Cyclonus spoke up. "You can scan me if you want. Got nothing to hide."

"I know about your situation, Cyclonus, so I don't have questions for you," Optimus spoke, which earned some confusion coming from Prowl and Jazz. "I'll tell you later."

"I don't mind being scanned," Thundercracker says, relaxing again at the gate door. "I'm sure you will appreciate my movie ideas!"

"Your ideas are surely interesting, with all drama and interpersonal relationships." Windblade grins at Thundercracker's surprised expression, followed by the blush. She hit the nail on the head. "As far as I can tell, they are all clear."

"Yeah, same from me." Bumblebee replies. "I think it's safe to let them in."

Prowl and Jazz both nod in agreement. Optimus turns to Clobber. "Do you know if anyone else is planning to join us, but hesitating?"

"Slipstream wanted to come." Clobber says. "But something stopped her at the last minute. She looked incredibly stressed and stormed off somewhere. But she said she might come later."

Bumblebee frowns. "I hope she's okay."

As the first rays of sunlight breached the horizon, everyone went inside the Stronghold. The group is following Prowl to finish the integration process. Bumblebee was thinking about one thing and decided it was the right time to ask.

"Since we're leaving, we must take the AllSpark and Vector Sigma with us. And because there are fewer Decepticons left, it shouldn't be hard to do, right?" he looks at Optimus Prime.

"It depends, we need more intel around the location." the leader replies. "Clobber, how tight is security around the Spire?"

"Not really," she says, surprising everyone once again, even other Decepticons. "When Megatron run out of resources to forge more Cybertronians for his cause, he abandoned the building. Save for a few patrols to deploy occasionally."

"That's strange. Why would Megatron neglect to keep two powerful artifacts safe?" Windblade was the first to question it.

"I asked him the same question, but he never gave me a straight answer. 'There is no need.' he said." Clobber replies, looking as confused as anyone else.

"He either believes we won't come after it.... or there is something else we don't know." Prowl thinks it thought. "There must be a trap of sorts, and he's sure it can stop us."

"Perhaps I can sneak in and survey first, and if possible, take the AllSpark and Vector Sigma." Bumblebee proposes, hoping that the High Command will allow this.

"Sending you alone? Absolutely not." Optimus Prime denied firmly, but he has other idea. "But I agree with the plan, it just needs more people."

"Alright, it's getting late for us nocturnals, so you guys go finish the thing. "Jazz stretches as he walks towards his quarters. "Tonight I will assemble anyone. Clobber, Windblade, and Bumblebee, your present will be necessary."

-----------

After several days of brainstorming and planning, the Autobots came up with a relatively safe course of action. They arrived at the center of Vos at dusk to set it in motion. Bumblebee, Jazz, and Windblade are sneaking towards the Spire, while Optimus with his backup army is staying on alert in case of attack. Blaster is monitoring any signal activity while his cassettes are patrolling the area.

It's quiet right now. Too quiet, especially for a place containing two of the most valuable cybertronian artifacts. Bumblebee's group made it to the building with no issues.

"Strange... we made it so far, yet not a peep from Decepticon communication." Jazz checks all radio signals. "Do you sense anyone?"

"No. As if we're just exploring another abandoned area on this planet." Bumblebee shakes his head.

"Same. I sense nothing except our own groups." Windblade frowns, finding this situation suspicious as well. "We have to stay alert."

"We will." Jazz agrees, while staring at the main entrance of the Spire. "That would be a bad idea to get in through the front door. It's a good place to set up traps. I wonder if we can find an alternative way in."

The trio looked around to find any possible entrances until Windblade pointed up at the wall on the opposite side of the building.

"What's up with this wall?" Jazz looks at her curiously.

"I think..." she didn't finish the sentence as she slips her fingers into a hidden socket on the side that isn't visible from a usual angle. Then she clicked a tiny switch and the portion of the wall moved backward and rolled to the side, revealing a secret entry.

"Whoah, a secret door! That's so cool! How did you know about this?" Jazz exclaims as their inner explorer has awoken.

"That's a good question. I wasn't even thinking about it, but seems like my neurowire system recognized it." Windblade says, feeling both surprised... and nostalgic?

"It looks familiar." Bumblebee ads as something in his locked memory has stirred. "I think I passed by this door when I came into being."

Jazz looked at both of them, not sure what to make out of this yet... aside from the fact that both have been here.

In Bumblebee's case, it made sense. He was created here. This is how he avoided being captured by Decepticons. Windblade thought? She was forged on Caminus right before the destruction of the Reef Hotspot. How would she know this? Before diving into digesting this thought, Windblade called for them to follow her.

The group has entered the abandoned tunnel. It's too dark even for three nocturnals to see, so Bumblebee turns headlights on his shoulders on. Windblade, following her intuition, is leading them through twists and turns left by the other ancient civilization. The walls are covered in spiraling patterns.

"To think that Quitessons would build this." Jazz comments as they observed the surroundings. "They weren't the type of making secret passages, given their hive-minded nature."

"Perhaps they knew that eventually the enslaved cybertronians will rise against them, so they build a passage as an escape route," Bumblebee says, with hints of animosity and dismay in his voice.

"That's very possible, but seems like it didn't help them much," Windblade said as she stopped, looking down at something. Jazz and Bumblebee walked closer and saw the entire floor was littered with heavily rusted quitesson armor.

"Okay, so they took it during the Spire assault... and something happened. These walls look old, but I don't see any signs of a fight." Jazz says as their spark speeds up from light anxiety. "That's creepy. I hope we won't fall the same fate."

"Don't worry about it," Bumblebee said calmly, staring at Quintesson remains with deep underlined hatred. But at the same time he's growing nervous. "Whatever killed them is not here anymore. I'm sure of it."

"If you say so." Jazz shrugs. "Is this the way, Windblade? Not sure if I want to walk through all of this."

"Yeah, but it shouldn't be long. This corridor should lead us to the elevator." Windblade says. She notices Bumblebee's grim expression, he slightly clutches his chest. "Are you alright? We can rest if you need."

"My spark is acting up. Those remains are stressing me out. Let's keep moving." Bumblebee pulls the medicine out of his subspace compartment and injects it into his left arm. "I'll be okay."

The group proceeds carefully. Windblade was holding Bumblebee's hand, while Jazz placed their hand on his back, soothing his anxiety. Gradually, his spark stabilized when they left this part of the tunnel and stumbled across an old elevator shaft. The doors are broken, and it's pitch black inside. Bumblebee shines his light inside.

"So, the elevator that would take us to the top," Windblade says, inspecting the shaft, staring right into the rubble of the crushed cabin. There is an opening into the shaft they can use to go up. "Welp, looks like we have to climb."

"Alright, good thing I came prepared!" Jazz pulls out their climbing gear from subspace. "Bee, are you well? Do you need help?"

"I think so? I'm not sure." he shrugs. The medicine worked, but he still feels wonky.

"I'll carry you." Windblade picks him up in bridal style, making him yelp in surprise, then laugh.

"Hey, but what about me?" Jazz asks dramatically, adding more to the amusing mood. They turn on their chest headlights and shoot the cable up to climb.

"Do I look like Nyx, who can just throw Optimus over her shoulder like a sack of bolts?" she snickers, while slowly flying up with Bumblebee in her hands, making sure to not leave Jazz behind. "Besides, a little workout will be good for you."

The trio laughs as they continue their ascend. It doesn't take long for them to reach the top. Jazz attaches the next cable to the top panel, letting themself hand in the middle. The metal creaks in protest. They 'shhh' at it.

"So, where is the exit?" Bumblebee looks around to spot the elevator doors.

"Over there." Jazz points to the right." It looks shut, but I think we can pry it open with some gentle persuasion."

"Usually I hear 'gentle persuasion' from Wheeljack when he comes in with explosives," Windblade says, already preparing for the worst.

"Nah, nah, nah! I have the more elegant solution." They shake their head and pull a crowbar from their subspace. Suddenly, the additional weight became too much for the metal panel and it broke from the ceiling.

"Jazz!" both cried out, but fortnightly Bumblebee caught Jazz quickly because he with Windblade were below them at the moment. Unfortunately, Windblade can't carry two mechs at once, her grip on Bumblebee is weakening and they lose height fast.

In the middle of panic and spinning in midair, she grits her teeth and pushes all the strength she has into her engines to fly up. It gave her enough boost to carry them back to the elevator doors, but the momentum made it impossible to stop and the trio crushes right into it. The impact was powerful it break the doors and throw them into the room, creating a lot of noise.

For a few seconds, they lie on the floor before Jazz speaks up. "So much for 'gentle persuasion'... is anyone okay?"

"Yeah." Both mechs replied as they sit up. Bumblebee wanted to say more, but a sudden tapping noise drew his attention. He went still and stared to the left, where he thought the noise came from.

"Bee?" Windblade looks in the same direction as he is. "What's wrong?"

"I think I heard something skedaddling over there." He replies, but can't see anything nor feel any sparks. "Probably nothing."

"I hope so." Jazz stands up, then helps the other two. "At least we got to our destination."

They were standing in a big round room, the Creation Chamber. It's dark as the sun has set, only illuminated by two moons through many ornate windows that are still intact. They walked to the control panels in the center.

"Let's see." Jazz activates it. He listens to any alarms or anything else that potentially might alert Decepticons of their presence. "No alarms, good."

He types several commands to activate the AllSpark chamber and tells it to bring it up. They watch as the cylinder rises from the floor, lowering each layer of security around it, opens up to reveal that the chamber itself... is empty.

"What?!" Jazz was the first to react and runs towards the chamber to check. Windblade and Bumblebee shockingly looked at each other and run after them. They examine the chamber. It looks intact without a sign of damage. Even the pedestal that was used to keep the AllSpark is in good condition and looks like it wasn't used in ages.

"Dear stars, look down!" Windblade points at the bottom of the chamber. This part looks the opposite, slashed with something sharp, revealing a severed electronic system. It's broken beyond repair.

"That's Vector Sigma!" Jazz recognized the destroyed device. "Someone cut it open and took all the crucial components out of it. This is bad!"

Before the group could start panicking, a loud groaning sound from the opposite side of the room made them stand still. Listening closely to what sounds like sloppy shuffling, they slowly withdraw from the chamber and headed back to the elevator shaft. The noise became louder and out of the shadows came out strange-looking cybertronians, surrounding them.

"Decepticons?!" Jazz steps back. "Oi, chill! You guys look really weird as if you are –"

"Dead!" Bumblebee cries out in disbelief. "They have no sparks! This is so wrong!"

Without a warning, one corpse lunges at Bumblebee, grabbing him by the neck. He struggles to get away from it, but without a weapon, he's helpless. Windblade comes to the rescue with her sword and cuts its head off, spilling the red energon all over the floor.

"I don't sense any consciousness in them either!" Windblade steps closer to Bumblebee, ready to cut down anything getting too close to him. "They're just walking shells!"

"What in the world?! Well, in this case," Jazz pulls a giant hammer out of their subspace." I don't have to hold back!" They do three swings around, gaining momentum, then on the fourth they launch themself right into the crowd. The impact scatters it like flies.

"We gotta go!" Windblade takes Bumblebee's arm to push him forward while slashing at the attacking corpses. She misses one, and it grabs her right arm, letting the other jump on her. She fights to free herself while another corpse is about to stab her with an old glaive.

Bumblebee sees it in time and tackles it to the ground. It was enough for it to drop the glaive, allowing him to catch it before it lands and stab back into its chest. At this very moment, something clicked in him. Followed by a surge going through his spark and processor. It's so powerful. Unstoppable. He's on the hunt!

He tightens his grip on the weapon and, with newfound confidence, he pulls it upwards, cutting the corpse in half, raining more of red energon all over himself and the floor. Then he attacks the one holding his friend, wounding its back and allowing Windblade to break herself free. The minibot takes her hand, and they rushed to Jazz. Hundreds of them are crawling out of broken elevator, so they have to escape thorough the main route.

"Let's get out before we get swarmed!" Jazz motions with their hammer to the main elevator. This one still works and Bumblebee hurriedly pushed the ground floor button, closing the doors right before corpses had any change to jump inside. Jazz is contacting Autobots.

"Prime, come in! We're in trouble! Countless dead bodies are after us. So you read me?" they speak fast in panic. "The AllSpark is gone as well!"

"Yes, Jazz! Did you say dead bodies?! And the AllSpark?!" Optimus replies in disbelief, then he shook his head to change his focus. " We're come to aid you immediately!"

The doors open on the ground floor and they run towards the main entrance. Suddenly, a ground bridge near it has activated. The trio stopped in their tracks. "Optimus, is that you?"

"I'm afraid not." A voice spoke from the portal. The mech stepping out of it is Shockwave, accompanied by Ravage and Lazerbeak. "I see you appreciated my efforts to make the dead bodies useful."

Bumblebee's spark flares with unhinged fury, ready to tear the mad scientist apart. "Who do you think you are?!"

"Nice to see you here. Thank you for making my life easier. Now, instead of tracking you, I can finally study your unique physiology." Shockwave charges his weapon on the left arm, fully intending to capture the minibot.

"The only thing you will study is how it feels to die!" Bumblebee vaults himself into the air with the glaive. He lands right in front of the bigger cybertronian and the next swing would decapitate him if he didn't react in time to dodge. Without missing a pulse, the minibot lunges forward, doing one after another.

Shockwave is trying to fight back, but his shots keep missing. Bumblebee's aggressiveness and the weapon's medium-range are not giving him any chances. He didn't expect the weak minibot to go full offense so quickly!

As Bumblebee presses on, he feels more powerful, more in control, more ecstatic! His prey is in front of him, flailing helplessly, desperately trying to evade death. The pleasure he feels is immense. He hasn't felt like this for so long! His scowl turns into a fanged predatory grin, putting Shockwave on the edge.

Jazz and Windblade are watching in awe as Bumblebee barrages Shockwave with attacks, almost forgetting about Decepticon cassettes being there as well. They block any attempts to aid the scientist while sparing a moment to look at the fight.

From the side, their friend looks like he's dancing, swift and elegant, and his dance is proving itself deadly as Bumblebee almost cuts Shockwave's left arm off. The pink energon spills over his face, making him look even more threatening.

In a panic, the scientist used a flash grenade to blind his opponents. Bumblebee shuts his optics for a moment, and by the time he opens them again, Shockwave is nowhere near. He growls in frustration, then Bumblebee caught a spark moving away that belongs to his target. Without delay, immediately he runs after him.

-----------

Bumblebee is running through the ruins, catching up to his target fast. He sees other Decepticons fighting Autobots already! How did Shockwave even know they were here? Did they trigger the alarm in the chaos of fighting dead cybertronians? Or maybe those corpses were the alarm by itself?

He sees Optimus Prime fighting Megatron, the latter being as dramatic as ever.

"I can't believe she would betray me like this!" he yells as he swings hard with his mace at the Autobot leader. "You cunning bastard, sending your little shadow to lead my honest mechs astray!"

"I didn't send anyone." Optimus blocks the attack with the ax, then pushes him away with force. "If your people are leaving you, then maybe it's time for you to think why. You, the one who lost the AllSpark among other things!"

"Lies! You took it!" Megatron jumps at his opponents, making both of them fall and roll down the hill.

Partly Bumblebee wants to help, but Shockwave is so close! If he kills him now, it will make everyone's life easier.

"Not so fast!" someone yelled from the side and the ground shook under his feet. He lost balance and fell. Grunting, he lifts his head and sees two Decepticon cassettes, Frenzy and Rumble.

"Bhawawa, how's the ground taste, bug?" Rumble gleefully stares at Bumblebee as he did a little victory dance.

"Why do we have to protect that cyclopic slagface, anyway?" Frenzy loudly complains as he walks closer to the yellow minibot. "This guy is harmless. Look at him! Combacticons and Razorclaw were just exaggerating."

Bumblebee growls as he slowly gets up. "I have no time for this!"

He turns the glaive and hits Frenzy with the blunt end right below his chest. The blue cassette yelped from surprise and pain, and curled into a ball. Bumblebee hits Rumble in the same fashion, not giving him a chance to react.

It's a known fact in that spot is located the mechanism responsible for transformation, the T-cog. But little people know that hitting this exact spot hard will cause the curling reflex to protect it.

Thus, Bumblebee leaves two groaning mechs behind to resume his pursuit. Unfortunately, the distraction caused by Soundwave's cassettes worked, and the mad scientist is no one where to be found. Bumblebee curses under his breath.

"Bumblebee!" Windblade's voice drew his attention. She transforms and lands by his side, then quickly puts her hands on his shoulders. She looks furious. "You can't just run off like this!"

"But Shockwave–" he was going to defend himself, but immediately got cut off.

"Risking your life isn't worth it!" she scolds him. "Decepticons are pouring from ground bridges. Megatron is full-on destroyer mode! You could have been hurt or worse!"

Bumblebee's spark sank. He didn't hear anything she said. His mind is registering waves of anger and fear directed at him. He stares at her with wide optics. Thoughts are swirling in his mind, telling him that's it, he's done it, that she hates him now, upsetting him more with each round. Those feelings surfaced on his face, stopping her. Windblade realized what she has done.

"Bee, I–" a high-pitched roar accompanied by thrusters rumble interrupted her. Both mechs froze in place, fully knowing who they belonged to.

She was about to pick Bumblebee up and fly away when something crushed in front of them at high speed. The dust settles, revealing the Decepticon second-in-command, Starscream, in his alt-mode.

A combination of jet and dragon. His body is mostly red, with accents of black, white, and gold. The wings look like jet wings with five sharp digits containing an engine between each. His tail is like a flexible spear. His red optics flare with predatory intensity. Elegant, but deadly. He examines them carefully until his optics focus on Bumblebee.

"Tch, Megatron has no respect for me! Sending me after some tiny 'bot!" He hits the ground on his front legs and flickers his tail in frustration.

"You won't take him!" Windblade steps in front of Bumblebee. Starscream laughs and unleashes his roar again. In such close proximity, a dragon's roar causes pain and glitches in all sensors. A perfect weapon to stun the opponent.

"Ah!" Windblade covers her audio sensors, shuts her optics and falls onto one knee.

Bumblebee reacts immediately and jumps in front of her. He swings his glaive and its tip scratches the dragon's face, effectively shutting him up. Starscream yelps in surprise, not expecting a counterattack. He growls at the minibot, and Bumblebee growls back with the matching. Their optics are locked onto each other and the minibot roars at him.

Starscream's optics widen as he realized that tiny Autobot is a dragon in disguise. Sure, he doesn't look like it, but it's impossible to imitate the dragon's roar. The jet dragon rises his guard, knowing well that fighting his own kin isn't a joke. Two dragons spent a few moments growling and roaring in attempt to intimidate the other.

While they were on that, Windblade adjusted to the noise. Somehow, Bumblebee's voice invigorated her instead of stunning, allowing her to assess the situation. Terrified from seeing Bumblebee standing his ground against the fearsome beastformer alone, she immediately joins his side with her sword ready.

Starscream growls upon seeing his tactic didn't work. He lunges his tail at Windblade. Bumblebee jumps in front of her and parries it. The dragon repeats the attack from a different angle, but the minibot's fighting protocols are sharp. He's done this before countless times. Windblade once again was impressed by his glaive-wielding skills.

She seizes the moment, stepping from behind Bumblebee, and charges at the dragon. She swings at his front leg, landing a successful cut on his shoulder. He counter-attacked with his sharp digits, slicing her left wing. She winces in pain, but doesn't lose posture, and attacks him again. Bumblebee helps her with his offense from the other side, forcing Starscream into the air.

"This is it, we gotta go!" Windblade takes Bumblebee's hand and runs. Starscream makes a circle and dives them from above. She sees him coming in time, embraces the minibot, and jumps to the side, conveniently rolling under the rubble. The dragon lost sight of them and begins searching around. The duo takes a small time of respite to figure out how to get out of here.

"Dead end," Bumblebee says as he looks around, hoping to see any passage they can squeeze through.

"So the only way out is to fend Starscream off. I might try to take the fight into the air, while you escape." Windblade moves her wing to see if it's any good. She winces. The pain is terrible.

"No! If you say that risking my life isn't worth it, then the same applies to you!" he aggressively whispers, then he observes Starscream for a minute, looking for potential weaknesses. "If we could damage his wings, he won't fly as much, but it's also his active weapon. His legs look weak, though. I might knock him on the ground while you attack his wings. Aim for joints."

"Understood." Windblade nods reluctantly. She fears for her friend, but she has to put trust him. He knows what he's doing.

Bumblebee jumps out from the cover. He shoots his arm cable to Starscream's side. The motor pulls him at vicious speed and before the dragon could react, Bumblebee deeply cuts both hind legs, breaks the glaive and leave the blade stuck in the left leg.

"GAH! How dare you!" He roars in pain as he lost footing. Then Windblade attacks his wings. She did a few successful cuts on his wings and even landed a deep cut into an engine until the dragon knocked her over with his tail.  

"So you want to be captured a hard way!" Starscream slowly rises onto his feet, glaring at Bumblebee. "Fine! Shockwave wants you alive, but he never mentioned how intact you should be!"

Suddenly, something shot him from behind. Then a few more shots landed in the places where Windblade injured him. He roars in pain and turns to see the intruder. A blue and purple jet assaults him with all the ammunition she has. "Slipstream! You traitor, what is this?!"

She lands in front of him, while Bumblebee helps Windblade to stand up behind her. "You idiot! Shockwave desperately wants this yellow bot and this can't be good for any of us! He already crossed the line with all the undead!"

"Why should I care?!" he raises his wings, trying to intimidate her. It doesn't work well for him, angering Slipstream further.

"Of course, you won't care! It's not your dead orchestra you loved with all your spark is walking around right now." Slipstream sound both in pain and infuriated. "You egotistical piece of slag, you don't care about anyone!"

Something in Starscream snapped, and he lunges the tail-spear at her. Bumblebee pushed her out of the way without hesitation. The spear that would penetrate her abdomen slices his throat, severing a carotid energon line. His energon spews out the wound like a fountain. The drastic change of energon pressure makes him faint on spot. Both Starscream and Slipstream froze in place, clearly not expecting that.

"BEE!" Windblade cries out in terror, and without thinking, she cuts off half the dragon's tail in retaliation. He screams from horrible pain and retreats, not caring about the order anymore.

Windblade falls on her knees in front ofthe motionless Bumblebee. She cries as she sees his almost desaturated form in the pools of pink liquid. It only means one thing - he's dying.

She takes him into her arms, while Slipstream is standing still in shock. Out of desperation, even though she knows it's futile, she tries to cover his injury with her hand to stop more energon from leaking. But instead of pouring pink liquid, she feels crystals under her palm. Her panic is replaced with confusion.

Windblade takes a better look at his throat. A huge cluster of glowing pink crystals effetely closed the wound. It covers his entire neck and even goes over his chest and shoulders. His nanites did the impossible, he's not losing energon anymore. The commotion even woke him up for a brief moment. He groans but doesn't have any strength to move.

"Shhh. That's okay, you're safe." Windblade whimpers softly. "Rest, okay? I'll take you to Ratchet."

The minibot visibly relaxes and falls back to sleep. This horrible moment in sinking in. He almost died. She yelled at him and he almost lost him! No, she can't lose herself right now. He will live, she must bring him home safely. Windblade takes a minute to collect herself and subside her trembling body.

"We should get out of here," Slipstream says, looking to the distance while trying to not freak out herself. "Can you fly?"

Windblade moves her wings, the pain is still bad, but at leaner her nanites fully closed the wound. "No, my wing is injured. I can't carry him by myself by air, so walking is the only option."

"I see..." Slipstream pauses, feeling doubts, but she chases them away. "I can help you carry him in the air. He took the hit for me after all..."

Windblade wants to reject as she is overprotective, but with Starscream being out of commission right now, it's will be safer and quicker to deliver Bumblebee to medics. She nods and stands up with him in her arms. Then she passes the minibot to the taller jet, and both mechs take off.

-----------

Bumblebee wakes up in the medbay, such a sight became so familiar by now.

"There you are," Ratchet says, seeing his patient regain consciousness as he cleans his tools. "You never stop to amaze me."

"Hey." Bumblebee smiles as he feels relief washing over the medic's spark. "Sorry, I keep giving you more work."

"I'm medic, that's what I do. But you gave everyone a big scare this time!" Ratchet was about to chide the minibot out of habit but quickly caught himself. "Though it's not your fault. Still, the fact you survived after your carotid energon line was severed is a miracle."

"My what?!" the minibot immediately went to feel his throat. He finds bandages and a small ping of pain on the right side. His optics widen from realization. It's a swift death and he's still here!

"Yes, you know what it means." Ratchet reaches for a small glass container with pink glowing crystals. He brings it closer to Bumblebee. "Your energon crystallized and closed the wound. Normally it wouldn't be possible because of the sheer pressure the energon will spill out. Yet your nanites reacted incredibly fast. We had a lot of cleaning to do before I could even reach the injury."

Bumblebee stares at crystals in awe. "That's fascinating! My nanites must have an improved crystallization mechanism that activates faster and in vast quantities."

"That's what we thought. So I'm asking your permission to study your nanites and crystals. We might discover something that will help anyone."

"Permission granted." Bumblebee smiles, feeling useful always feels good. Then he frowns a second later. "I'm sorry about the AllSpark and Vector Sigma... I don't know what to do now."

"This is troubling development alone with walking dead situation, but you have nothing apologies for. And this shouldn't be your priority right now. The High Command will figure out what to do while you must focus on recovering. Now, if you don't mind, you have a visitor." Ratchet says as he walks to the door, letting Windblade in. "I'll leave you two alone."

She walks over and sits on the edge of Bumblebee's berth. She reaches for the hug, being mindful of his neck. He lets a small giggle and returns a hug, trying to be careful around her injured wing. They stay in a warm embrace for a while until Windblade breaks the silence.

"I'm so sorry for yelling at you. I shouldn't have done this." Her voice waverers at the end as tears gather in her optics. "You almost died and to think that could be the last thing--"

"I understand. It was my fault for running away like this. I shouldn't have to make you worry like this!" Bumblebee interrupts her. Before Windblade could protest, he continues. "When I took that weapon in my hand, I felt powerful. Almost invincible. I immediately knew how to use it, so I wanted to finish Shockwave quickly. I completely forgot that you and Jazz were with me."

"Well, your use of glaive was very impressive." She comments as she wipes her tears, and exhales. "You know, let's just forgive each other, but then we stay together on the battlefield from now on," Windblade says as she bumps his forehead with her own. "I believe we should ask Smithing Department to make you a nicer glaive."

"Yeah, alright." Bumblebee smiles, feeling lighter from resolving this conflict. The comfort reminds him of what they talked about before. "Hey... I'm thinking, do you want to do the ceremony? Like, right now?"

"Now? Yeah, you gonna stay in the med bay for a while, so we should hang out in your dream then," she says as settles down his berth comfortably.

-----------

As they planned, Bumblebee and Windblade met in his mindscape. His form is still slowly changing. Now there are four optics on his face and they keep multiplying while his horns branch out, looking like chaotic antlers. Countless whiskers are sprouting from his head and back.

"You look very interesting," Windblade says, walking around him. "Antlers look good on you."

Bumblebee laughs. He doesn't know why it's happening, but Windblade seems intrigued as he is. So it doesn't bother him. Now he must focus on the important part. "So, I just imagine opening my chest and revealing my spark, right?"

"Yep. That's should work," she replies and goes to do it first. Her chest opens, revealing her spark chamber with a brilliant pulsing spark inside. Bumblebee is captivated by the light. It's warm and soft. Windblade smiles at him and nods, encouraging him.

Bumblebee opens his chest, then he opens the protective shell. As it opens slowly the minibot went still with anticipation. But instead of light, darkness poured out of it. His optics widened, then he frowned furiously.

"What is this?!" he throws his hand in frustration. "C'mon, I asked for light!"

"That's unexpected," Windblade says as she stepped closer to take a better look. The darkness is pitch black. It's not possible to see anything behind it. She looks up to see Bumblebee is being so upset that he's about to cry.

'Whoah, whoah, Bee wait, it's not that bad!" she hurries to reassure him. "We still can do the ceremony like this."

"But it's unfair! Why it doesn't work here?!" his voice is shaking, as anger at himself grows even more.

Windblade places her gentle palm on his cheek and lifts his head to face her. "I don't think it's a bad thing. You know that light and darkness belong together. And darkness always attracts the light. Like a black hole!"

This makes Bumblebee snicker. "Really, you gonna pull this on me now?"

"Because this is true! Look how many Decepticons joined us. As if you are the Great Attractor!" Windblade smirks, fully knowing it's gonna work.

"Windblade, please!" he succumbs into a giggling fit. She knows his weakness, the astronomy humor, especially when it has to do something with him.

"Besides, the light shines bright in the dark. You can't argue with physics." She sings songs. Her smile grows wider as he descends into laughing.

"I'm trying to be upset here, and you throw physics at me!?" he tries to sound annoyed, but he barely can speak between laughs.

Both mechs spend severe minutes laughing at the silliness of the situation, coming back and forth at each other. Gradually, they melt into a slow dance, forgetting about vows and the world. His darkness mixes with her light, creating the fabric of the cosmos. The stars chime in pleasant patterns, bringing peace to their souls, and marking their relationship as Amica Endura.

------

Wow, it’s over 8k words, the biggest chapter I made! Now I can focus on Big Bag event. I’m gonna write a big Sparkpulse fic for it <3 What it’s gonna be about? Ohhh you’ll see!~

Thank you for reading, likes and reblogs are appreciated <3